This is a special page for ALLEN WILBERT. He writes Inspirational Poems on Facebook.
Some are a bit crazy, some are rude, some are entertaining and some are crude. I shall
just paste them here for the time being. He writes some of the best poetry, I have seen.
He doesn’t seem to care, what he writes, as long as it rhymes. I don’t think you would
call his Poems, Christian Poems, but I think he may be a Christian at heart. His writing
is very creative writing. He writes free poems and enjoys doing it. So his work, is a very
good example of How to write a poem. He certainly does have his own methods of
writing poetry. So here is another example of HOW TO MAKE A POEM.
For more of Allen’s work, visit his page on Facebook.
Appreciated
Talked a lot for two long years,
shared some laughs, shared some tears.
Talked on phone, Facebook and Skype,
you lived up to all the hype.
Counted the days, til we met,
you are one hot brunette.
We fell in love instantly,
we’re going down in history.
We make one hell of a couple,
every night, we love to snuggle.
You work all night and day,
while I just sit home and play.
You support, all that I go through,
you don’t know how much I appreciate you.
We hug each other when we’re sad,
calm each other down, when we’re mad.
We laugh at each other’s jokes,
on Facebook, we give each other pokes.
Sticking together through thick and thin,
meeting you was my greatest win.
I cherish every moment together,
we ride out all sorts of weather.
I guess what I’m trying to say,
I love you each and every way.
Life Is Simple
things are so conspicuous
starting to get suspicious
nothing is more obvious
life can be so glorious
no reason for depression
you know the answer, to the question
be yourself, and no one else
weather poor, or have some wealth
make life fun, make it great
like is was when you were eight
keep things easy and simple
pop that complication pimple
in conclusion, I say this
find an old friend, and reminisce
Death By Bus
Old photographs remind me,
of how things used to be.
We were married thirty years,
everyday pours down tears.
Til the day we meet again,
well, you know the day when.
You died so young at fifty five,
everyday without you,
is a struggle to survive.
You got crushed by a bus,
all I saw was oozing pus.
Me and kids were devastated,
so were friends,
and all people related.
Crying at pictures of old,
everything you touched,
turned to instant gold.
How we’d laugh and carry on,
one year later and you’re still gone.
No signs of an after life,
my pain hurts worse,
than a stabbing from a knife.
Today I got the bus company money,
suddenly life became more sunny.
Now that I’m filthy rich,
found myself a brand new bitch.
Love Story
We are made for each other,
you’re more loving, than a mother.
You make me smile, when sad,
I calm you down, when mad.
Your smile lights up a room,
our love is stronger than a sonic boom.
We make the perfect couple,
in bed we always cuddle.
I taught you how to live,
you taught me how to give.
Your beauty is unmatched,
my bruises, you always patched.
When you’re sick, I’m always there,
we make one hell of a pair.
You’re as sexy as a model,
you love the way, I always fondle.
True love is so hard to find,
never met someone more kind.
This love story goes on forever,
breaking up will happen never.
Through good and bad times,
I will never run out of rhymes.
We are each others best friend,
it will be that way til the very end.
I Can’t
I can’t write
I can’t read
I can’t bite
I can’t feed
I can’t walk
I can’t crawl
I can’t talk
I can’t call
I can’t drive
I can’t ride
I can’t strive
I can’t abide
I can’t jump
I can’t skip
I can’t hump
I can’t dip
I can’t cry
I can’t laugh
I can’t die
I can’t gaffe
I can’t look
I can’t listen
I can’t cook
I can’t glisten
all because I lost my pride
all I am is dead inside
Domination
My domination was thought through,
dominate me, dominate you.
Can’t stop, what you can’t see,
open mouth and drink my pee.
Beat you to a bloody pulp,
as I drink it, my throat goes gulp.
I’ll stomp a mud hole, til it’s dry,
it’s fun to do when you’re high.
This world, I will destroy,
no longer am I a whipping boy.
I kill your father and your mother,
even your sister and your brother.
Kill your uncle and your aunt,
killed every tree, killed every plant.
Killed your niece and your nephew,
just part of the domination schedule.
Killed your cousins and next of kin,
call me evil, but I love sin.
No more sun rising in the east,
666, I’m the number of the beast.
No more sun setting in the west,
just doing the devil’s request.
Nobody
nobody knows
nobody cares
nobody listens
nobody dares
nobody wonders
nobody talks
nobody helps
nobody flocks
nobody text
nobody calls
nobody rings
nobody got any balls
nobody gives a shit
nobody knows I’m in a pit
nobody knows the trouble I’m in
nobody cares if I ever win
nobody wants to feel my pain
nobody knows that I’m insane
nobody cares about my history
nobody knows I’m a mystery
Just Can’t Have
pretty face
can’t erase
sexy and smart
plenty of heart
smooth skin
very thin
got it all
not very tall
juicy lips
shaky hips
what a smile
its been awhile
erotic confession
tasty concession
never had before
must see more
whipped cream
wet dream
just can’t have
divided in halve
love her
kittens purr
got caught stalking
no more talking
How Much Is That Girl In The Window
I see you through the store glass,
you have got one sweet ass.
Wondering how to make you mine,
never seen a girl looking so fine.
You’re standing still and all alone,
I dashed myself with some cologne.
Waiting for the store to open,
staring at you makes me frozen.
I can’t stop looking through the window,
I hope you don’t think I’m a weirdo.
You have a body to die for,
you’re face is all I adore.
I’m amazed by your beauty,
god damn you’re such a cutie.
You’re style of clothing is unmatched,
I have suddenly become very attached.
I hope, I know what to say,
getting nervous, hair turning grey.
Doors are opening, I’m going in,
only to find out the bitch was a mannequin.
There went my hopes and dreams,
things aren’t always what they seems
Why Me
A piece of me died today,
speechless, not a word to say.
Things happened so very fast,
before me eyes, my life past.
Spiraling down like a tornado,
more twisted than fettuccine alfredo.
Things have never been this wrong,
sometimes I wonder if I even belong.
No more cares in this world,
my whole life just unfurled.
Walking alone on a dead end street.
no longer can I take the heat.
Like being on a train, that went off the tracks,
somehow I have slipped through all the cracks.
Can’t figure out, how I’m still alive,
if I stop breathing, please don’t revive.
Deep depression is setting in,
the darkness is starting to begin.
No way out of this endless rut,
most of you are saying, so what.
Maybe things will turn around,
in a shallow pond, I started to drown.
Ended up back on shore,
suddenly I wanted more.
Why you ask, am I so unstable,
a storm came through and out went the cable.
Thinking Out Loud
Where there is desert, there was once ocean,
before a vote, there is a motion.
You can’t walk, til you crawl,
Peter and Mary would be nothing without Paul.
Close only counts in horse shoes and hand grenades,
you can’t stop blood, without some band aides.
If no one calls, why have a phone,
Why didn’t Mother Hubbard, buy Rover a new bone.
All couples will always fight,
doesn’t matter who is wrong or right.
Why don’t kids go out and play,
and why do we park on a drive way.
Before people there were dinosaurs,
thanks to evolution, no more walking on all fours.
before electricity there was only fire,
wooden wheels became a rubber tire.
The first ever movies had no sound,
things that are lost, may never be found.
Why is everything from the government classified,
somethings always get way over analyzed.
I’m just a simple man, who writes stupid short stories,
alone and bored, and in my early forties.
I have all kinds of conspiracy theories,
maybe I should write a mini series.
I wish life came with a warranty,
maybe then I’d have some clarity.
I’ve Written
I’ve written about love, wrote about lust,
shooting heroin and smoking angel dust.
I’ve written about murder, wrote about rape,
how all humans evolved from an ape.
I’ve written about women, wrote about men,
and most likely, I will again.
I’ve written about food, wrote about drink,
sometimes I even make you think.
I’ve written about me, wrote about you,
girls who love my Allen screw.
I’ve written about family, wrote about incest,
all the scumbags who like to molest.
I’ve written about friends, wrote about foes,
how I’ve eaten fingers and toes.
I’ve written about death, wrote about blood,
how some people are more shallow than a puddle of mud.
I’ve written about snow, wrote about rain,
lots of suffering and tons of pain.
I’ve written about movies, wrote about music,
somethings I’ve said things that’s are very exclusive.
I’ve written about Amber, wrote about Tyler,
nothing else makes me more higher.
I’ve written about karma, wrote about fate,
sometimes I’ve made you mentally masturbate.
I’ve written about fact, wrote mostly fiction,
you must admit, I’m like an addiction.
I’ve written about blacks, written about spicks,
the k.k.k. and white redneck hicks.
I’ve written about ghosts, wrote about monsters,
vicious villains and many mad mobsters.
I’ve written about hooligans, wrote about whores,
heroic soldiers and stupid senseless wars.
I’ve written about the devil, wrote about god,
as you know, I believe religion is a fraud.
Its entertainment and all in good fun,
but writing for me has just begun.
So many more things to write about,
it will make you all scream and shout.
When I write nothing is taboo,
try walking in my broken shoe.
Sorry you all can’t be like me,
deep down I know you all agree.
Predicting Death
I can see his face while I’m sleepy,
a disfigured face and kinda creepy.
There he is in every dream,
twice a night, I wake up and scream.
Each day becomes more darker,
the Grim Reaper is my stalker.
He follows me everywhere I go,
I run faster, but the motion is slow.
It must be my turn to take the final plunge,
I’m being squeezed like a wet sponge.
Had a feeling my time was coming,
for many years, I’ve been running.
Many nightmares of never waking up,
my days left can be measured in a cup.
Starting now, I will be saying goodbye,
celebrate my death, and please don’t cry.
Time to do what’s on my bucket list,
all the things that I have missed.
Before I could start, I got sick,
life passed me by like the movie Click.
Everyday I wake up, I feel relieved,
just another goal, I have achieved.
Then one night while I was dreaming, he finally spoke,
telling me to prepare for a major stroke.
He told me I was long overdue,
my prediction nightmare, has finally come true.
No bright light, just complete darkness,
when your time is up, the Grim Reaper is heartless.
No One Like Me
Things are just the way it is,
its always a test, never a quiz.
Love, hate, happy and depressed,
all pretty girls, my eyes have undressed.
One day you’re living high on the hog,
the next day you’re lost in the dense fog.
Some are rich, some are poor,
greedy people always want more.
I live each day, as its my last,
future uncertain, but we all have a past.
Some days I wish I was never born,
then I just turn on some internet porn.
Life’s a journey, not a destination,
I’m just glad that I’m caucasian.
I spill rhymes like no one else,
all other rappers I beat with belts.
Its been twenty five years since high school,
never in my life, have I been so cool.
Always practice what you preach,
may your dreams, never be out of reach.
I’ve been lost, found and confused,
always in trouble but never accused.
I like Heineken and smoking weed,
I like old skinamax movies with Shannon Tweed.
I’m a poet who is a bit perverted,
all my girls have always squirted.
Live fast, die young and leave a good looking corpse,
I’m now done, stick me with some forks.
Unusual
Living a life of misery,
everything is a mystery.
Can’t answer a single question,
not one power of suggestion.
When the day, that I die,
nobody will even cry.
Some might say, I’m a creep,
and I should be put to sleep.
The best part of me ran down my fathers leg,
all the drugs made my brain a fried egg.
So what that I’m stupid,
no arrow ever hit me by cupid.
Maybe its because I went to Pinelands,
or maybe because I love all the hairbands.
Does it really matter that I’m strange,
its too late now, I can never change.
On plenty of medication,
I should have my own foundation.
Some say, I’m way to lazy,
not to mention a bit crazy.
Through all this, I’m still alive,
dropped on my head when I was five.
Almost died several times,
but still, I’m busting rhymes.
From Warren Grove, now Spring Hill,
I’m a joke, according to Dr. Phil.
Who cares that I’m very weird,
would anybody know if I disappeared.
I try my best, but its never enough,
everyone always calls my bluff.
I’ve come to terms with being eccentric,
you all have made me egocentric.
Maybe I have lost my mind,
I’m counting on all of you to help find.
One Wild Night
Took off my clothes, ran out the front door,
just couldn’t take my life anymore.
Ran out to the street,
bare naked from head to feet.
Getting wet from all the rain,
people must think I’m insane.
People stood outside to watch,
bouncing freely was my over sized crotch.
As I ran around the neighborhood,
all the men wished they had my man hood.
All the women stared with drool,
making their husbands look like a fool.
No one really seemed to mind,
why would they with my sweet behind.
Soon the whole town started to streak,
we jumped into the nearest creek.
Skinny dipping all night long,
taking hits from a giant bong.
No cops ever did arrive,
fifty people never felt so alive.
Partied to the break of dawn,
can’t believe all the girls that jumped on.
In the morning things got rough,
we all had to walk home in the buff.
We drank and smoked all through the night,
never once was there any kind of fight.
Never have I had so much sex,
you wont believe what happened next.
Fifty people walking home in the nude,
during the night a few cops viewed.
They put us all under arrest,
all because we were all undressed.
Revenge
I know where your from,
how could you think, I was so dumb.
I know where you’ve been,
living in constant sin.
You were once my best friend,
til it came to a bitter end.
You used me for personal gain,
I was tied up by your chain.
You stole my money, you stole my wife,
in my back you twisted the knife.
Laying low til I get my redemption,
sooner or later, I will have your attention.
Now your both in witness protection,
your families heads, I made a collection.
I’m coming for you, no matter the distance,
I disguise myself during persistence.
I have traveled state to state,
nothing I wont do, when I hate.
I’ve been on a plane, train and automobile,
pretty much anything that has a wheel.
Then one day I see your faces,
I have finally touched all four bases.
Two more heads for my chopping block,
counting down the minutes ticktock, ticktock.
Went to the store and bought an ax,
I mastered a plan and covered all tracks.
Waited til they were in their beds,
now my collection, has two more heads.
Plumbing
screaming in pain
cleaning her drain
it was very clogged
I am very logged
loved my plumbers crack
she gave my ass a smack
faucet beginning to leak
from the point of the peak
ended up in bed
she gives good head
wanted bill to be free
told me during my morning pee
I said you lost your mind
so I poked her from behind
how about half price
she said sorry no dice
please free she would beg
as she played with my third leg
running wild was my imagination
you could feel my frustration
after the plumbing was all done
it turned out she was a nun
Blood
Only takes a tiny slash,
walked into a blood bath.
Watched as the blood did splatter,
screams made the windows shatter.
Blood over here, blood over there,
had no time to prepare.
Blood on the ceiling, blood on the floor,
all blood red and very pure.
Heads hanging on some hooks,
all people with good looks.
Time for ugly to reign supreme,
hell with that expensive facial cream.
Pretty faces are a thing of the past,
I killed the first, I’ll kill the last.
Ugly people pay me money,
soon as they see the blood runny.
Rich people get the best,
poor people beg for the rest.
Blood drips in the cracks in the floor,
ugly people demanding more.
The bodies are tough to hide,
ugly cops let me slide.
I guess I could have molded a mask,
but how I love a bloody task.
Stay Alive
to stay alive
you must survive
be on top
don’t ever stop
never be depressed
always feel blessed
cheaters never win
living in sin
one, two three
always feel free
four, five six
girls like licks
seven, eight nine
you look fine
eyes wide open
lids are frozen
red, juicy lips
love family trips
just three words
smoke some herbs
write a poem
while in Rome
go have fun
because I’m done
Doom
dark room
smelt doom
thunder rolls
lost souls
lightning strikes
sharp spikes
rotting corpses
unknown forces
people dying
others crying
tables turning
bodies burning
zombies arise
human demise
blood everywhere
mankind beware
eating flesh
while fresh
city blocked
world shocked
no fear
Allen here
Allen involved
problem solved
Strange Man
wears no clothes
picks his nose
eats raw meat
has smelly feet
makes crank calls
drunk and always falls
drinks night and day
family and friends, he betray
surely going to hell
needs scope, breath smell
has no more money
this shit isn’t funny
has a very small dick
can’t give girls the proper lick
has to rape just for sex
still in love with his ex
has gave up on living
what happened was unforgiving
a man became a monster
felt like an impostor
lived life grumpy and bitter
searching for a pinch hitter
died one night all alone
poor dog never got his bone
Weather
Planes crash, buildings tumble,
people walking, begin to stumble.
Earth begins to quake,
can’t help but to shake.
Ground starts to crack,
blue sky becoming black.
People dying left and right,
future not looking so bright.
Oceans flow across the land,
no more beaches, no more sand.
All this in a matter of hours,
as the weather over powers.
Tornadoes and hurricanes,
mass destruction, all that remains.
Armageddon or judgement day,
All this happened, the tenth of May.
Earth will never be the same,
mother nature played a deadly game.
Penis
The last time, I got an erection,
gave the girl my penis injection,
now I have a bad infection.
Never again did I get laid,
it’s going on the second decade,
a new penis, I’d sure trade.
One ball black, one ball blue,
got no paddle for my canoe,
my Horton doesn’t hear a Who.
Penis swollen, like a balloon,
feeling like a rabid raccoon,
looks like a character from a cartoon.
My penis hurts when I pee,
why did this have to happen to me,
karma is on a laughing spree.
Life will never be the same,
swollen penis man, is my nickname,
got no fortune, but 15 minutes of fame.
Was on a reality show with other freaks,
it was called house of the rising creeps,
I got booted off after only two weeks.
Will He
Will he go down as the best,
or fade away like the rest.
Will he go down as a god,
or just a man rolling sod.
Will he go down in history,
or just another flesh for fantasy.
Will he go down as the man,
or just someone who tried what he can.
Will he go down without defeat,
or just another piece of meat.
Will he go down on a girl,
or will the smell, make him hurl.
Will he go down and rise again,
or will he die before he’s ten.
Will he go down as a king,
or just a man with no wing.
Will he go down with great honor,
or just another Jeffrey Dahmer.
Will he go down as a winner,
or just another angry sinner.
Will he go down, wearing his crown,
or will he just go down.
Before
Before light, is the darkness,
before happy, is the sadness.
Before walking, you must crawl,
before standing, you must fall.
Before winning, you must lose,
before advancing, you pay dues.
Life will never be easy,
when it is, it’s only briefly.
Before pleasure, there is pain,
without pills, you go insane.
Before thunder, there is lightning,
life can be very, very frightening.
Before you bend, you must break.
some people real, most are fake.
Life is what you make of it,
the rest is just total bullshit.
Who Did What
In for something, didn’t do,
it only could have been me or you,
one of us did it, but who.
Three sides to every story,
time to take some inventory,
trying to protect old glory.
One version blames the youth,
one version is like pulling a tooth,
third version is the truth.
Caught in bed with another,
warned about you by mother,
now there is one dead brother.
Used to be innocent and pure,
then came that deadly detour,
never felt so immature.
Found brother in the bed,
but with wife instead,
which of us brothers are dead.
The wife grabbed a loaded gun,
a mother about to lose a son,
no one here really won.
Which one did she shoot,
the air she did pollute,
a brother in his birthday suit.
One in hell, the other in jail,
set too high, was the bail,
weigh the tension with a scale.
Found innocent, then she fled,
blood still stains my old bed,
when I escape, she’ll be dead.
Them
People stuck inside my head,
won’t be gone til I’m dead.
Telling me what to do,
they told me to kill you.
Telling me what to say,
there is no any other way.
They tell me how to feel,
I’m a hamster in a spinning wheel.
They tell me what to touch,
sometimes it’s a bit too much.
They tell me how to live,
for that I can’t forgive.
They make me do unlawful things,
I’m an angel with no wings.
They say, I’m doing God’s work.
it’s getting fun, going berzerk.
They say my wings, put me in heaven,
all my kills equal seven.
They told me, I need ten,
it’s just a matter of when.
They say, I’m about ready,
my last kill must be messy.
Them voices lied to me,
my soul never was set free.
After death, I was sent to hell,
it’s where I landed, when I fell.
Now that those people are long gone,
guessing this is where I really belong.
Love You/Love Me
I know why I love you
love you, love you.
I know why you love me,
love me, love me.
Remembering the day we first met,
your smile, blue eyes, and hair of brunette.
Had you laughing all long night,
it was love at first sight.
Your body smooth and thin,
you have the perfect skin.
No one is more beautiful,
what we do is unconstitutional.
You make me happy in my pants,
every night, we do the slam dance.
Found out why I love you,
love you, love you.
Found out why you love me,
love me, love me.
No one thought we’d last this long,
hey baby, we sure proved them wrong.
We’re like two peas in a pod,
when we touch, it’s a lighting rod.
We will never break apart,
we both know this, in our heart.
Our love is so very strong,
it’s more on than Donkey Kong.
Loving that I love you,
love you, love you.
Loving that you love me,
love me, love.
The Scream
One, two
go fuck you
three, four,
you’re a bitchy whore
five, six
you love sucking dicks
seven, eight
it’s you I hate
nine, ten
never see you again.
I shot you now you’re dead.
in your god damn head.
Now you’re deep in the ground,
sometimes I hear a screaming sound.
Is it nightmare or a dream,
still I hear your silent scream.
Even after I moved far away,
in my head your scream did stay.
Then you dug from the grave,
your soul, you did save.
There is a knock at me door,
it was my dead headless whore.
She unloaded with a butchers knife,
should have kept her as my wife.
So Damn Cruel
I want to know, why you’re such a prick,
is it because, you have a small dick.
I want to know, why you’re so mean,
why do you always have to cause a scene.
I want to know what happened in your life,
you beat your kids, and you beat your wife.
I want to know, why you’re so damn cruel,
you’re more stubborn than a mule.
You have no friends,
will you ever make amends.
No one will ever like you,
whatever did you do.
I want to know, what’s inside your head,
I just wish, that you would drop dead.
I want to know, why you’re so damn cruel,
you used to be so funny and cool.
I want to know, why you lost your job,
maybe it’s cause, you became a fat slob.
I want to know, why you’re getting divorced,
is it something that is being enforced.
You lost your family, you lost your house,
I bet you’re feeling smaller than a mouse.
I want to know, why you’re so damn cruel,
so damn cruel.
Were you beaten as a child,
under asshole, your name is filed.
How does it feel, to be all alone,
why do you even have a telephone.
I want to know, why you’re so damn cruel,
so damn cruel.
On that day that you finally die,
not even I, will start to cry.
You are my dad,
your death will make me glad.
I just want to know, why you’re so damn cruel,
so damn cruel.
You can rot in hell, for all we care,
we all hope that we are there.
Now it’s years later, and I’m mean like you,
people now think that I’m cruel too.
Now you know why, I’m so damn cruel,
so damn cruel.
Bad Day
When things seem rough,
life getting way to tough.
Feel like giving up,
drinking from a Dixie cup.
No food on the table,
been awhile since cable.
No money to be found,
too shy to make a sound.
Already ate dogs and cats,
lowering down to only rats.
Lost the house, and the car,
no more cookies in the jar.
Living now with mom and dad,
roof overhead, just be glad.
Looking for any kind of job,
tired of being a lazy slob.
Not a dime in the bank,
Only yourself to thank.
Burned all the bridges,
never was very religious.
All this happened in a day,
hoping soon to find a way.
Things could get no worse,
drug overdose, put you in a hearse.
Just another lost soul,
who had no self control.
Allen Wilbert
Contagious
Shed a tear when I’m seeing you,
you’re skin is turning black and blue.
In a way I still must smile,
took pictures, cause its been awhile.
Was a moment when I had to laugh,
thought maybe you just had infection of staff.
There is no doubt you’re all I see,
in the mirror, when taking a pee.
I just hope you aren’t contagious,
contagious yeah, yeah.
I sit around trying to be alone,
afraid to even pick up the phone.
Being tense won’t speed up the time,
but it helped with this Guns-n-Roses rhyme.
Take it slow, and I’ll be fine,
no more time to mope and whine.
I just hope I’m not contagious,
if so, I’ll need some more patience.
All the stars are still shinning bright,
maybe that will help shed some light.
I think I can make it, I’m not faking it,
very hard to break it, no longer can I take it.
Hope I’m not contagious yeah, yeah,
just a bit contagious yeah, yeah.
I’ve been praying every night,
hoping all will be alright.
Hard to see, while turning blue,
feet stuck like I stepped in glue.
Streets can’t change except for the names,
sick and tired of all these stupid games.
I guess this means I’m contagious,
now I must be very courageous.
Whoa,I guess I’m contagious yeah, yeah,
Oh it seems I’m contagious yeah, yeah, yeah.
This sucks, I will soon die,
being contagious, will lead to a cry.
I really hate being contagious yeah, yeah, yeah.
People
People born, people die
people torn, people cry
people smile, people frown
people style, people crown
people rock, people roll
people mock, people poll
people drive, people walk
people thrive, people talk
people play, people don’t
people stay, people won’t
people love, people hate
people shove, people mate
people win, people lose
people spin, people choose
people cheat, people steal
people greet, people feel
people happy, people shun
people snappy, people done
people suck, people swallow
people duck, people hollow.
People come all sorts of ways,
all but criminals, I give praise.
I Like
I like people who are short
I like people that are tall,
I like people with a wart,
I like people with a doll.
I like people who do drugs,
I like people who work,
I like people who give hugs,
I like people who are a jerk.
I like people who are nice,
I like people that are mean,
I like people who give advice,
I like girls over eighteen.
I like girls in a thong,
I like girls in a summer dress,
I like girls from Hong Kong.
I like girls that are a hot mess.
I like girls in a bikini,
I like girls that are pretty,
I like girls dressed as a genie,
I like girls who show me pity.
I like girls who are smart,
I like girls who are dumb,
I like girls, not afraid to fart,
I like girls who make me cum.
Not one thing I don’t like,
I like to walk, I like to bike.
I like sex in a bed,
I like sex on the couch,
I like sex with the dead,
I like sex with Oscar the Grouch.
I like sex in the open,
I like sex in private,
I like sex with a Trojan,
I like sex in any climate.
I like everything, can’t you tell,
except people who really smell.
2010-2011
So you all want to know,
inside my head, I will show.
It’s dark and it’s gloomy,
not much room for beauty.
No one will call me friend,
I just want the world to end.
Only evil enters my mind,
I used to be so gentle and kind.
Then one day my brain went haywire,
now I burn, just like a fire.
Living inside a padded cell,
no one can hear me, when I yell.
Never have I felt so lonely,
being crazy, I won the trophy.
I entered the world as a baby boy,
never once, did I have a toy.
Picked on all through out school,
I thought, I was pretty cool.
Big eyes and looked like a dork,
I’m done now, stick me with a fork.
As I got older, I became bitter,
I became the ultimate quitter.
Kept all my feelings deep inside,
then one day, I lost all pride.
Had no money, no food or a car,
how did you expect me to get very far.
Then one day I found some hope,
no more reason for that hanging rope.
Hopped on a bus and off I went,
no more sleeping in a crappy tent.
Moved a thousand miles away,
everything now seems to be ok.
Once Lost
Walking in no mans land,
no one there, to hold my hand.
Been lost for some time,
until the day, I discovered rhyme.
Now my problems, I can cope,
maybe even, smoke some dope.
Once lost and now found,
Laura keeps me safe and sound.
My kids, I see when I dream,
it helps keep away my nightmare scream.
Finally found some piece of mind,
no longer am I blind.
Like a painter with great vision,
my minds needs no supervision.
It didn’t take god, to find my way,
that’s just what the weak people say.
Next time you’re having some tough times,
grab pen and paper, and write down some rhymes.
It worked for me, it will work for you,
read my words to guide you through.
Undertaker
Hello all, hear what I say,
death to you, so please obey,
start by getting out of my way,
hoping you all have a great day.
Prepare to meet your maker,
I disconnect your circuit breaker,
Believe me, I’m no faker,
they call me the undertaker.
I take your rotting soul,
push you down a deep dark hole,
paid the devil one wealthy toll,
your parents should have used birth control.
I take kids that are young,
hurts so bad, I bite my tongue,
no more living, are they the among,
I’ve been bit, I’ve got stung.
Not a job, I like doing,
my contract, they’re renewing,
children’s vitamins, I’ve been chewing,
not a job worth pursuing.
A dirty job, but they made me do it,
I hate it, but I can’t admit,
my own neck, I’d like to slit,
their last meal is a banana split.
It’s not my fault, that they die,
wipe the tears from my eye,
I was a man you used to be shy,
gotta go, there was just another school drive by.
Every
Every tunnel has a light,
Every flea has to bite,
Every food has been bitten,
every word has been written.
On those days that seem dark,
soon you will spot your spark.
On those days, where all goes wrong,
pack yourself a big fat bong.
When things are looking down,
life seeming like a ghost town.
Things will always get better,
doggy style makes a girl wetter.
Every dog has its day,
every person finds their way.
Every rose has its thorn,
every man will always watch porn.
Sometimes life can be so happy,
smile and stop feeling crappy.
Always be thinking positive,
let it out like a laxative.
When the sun starts to set,
in the garbage, throw all debt.
Every baby has a mother,
every day is like no other.
Every story has an end,
every person needs a friend.
In Three
Pain, agony and defeat,
why even bother to compete.
Sex, love and massage,
feels like a wet mirage.
Smelly, dirty and debris,
in the shower, we always pee.
Rich, fortune and greed,
something I desperately need.
Power, ego and narcissistic,
they all equal sadistic.
Deaf, dumb and blind,
makes you fall far behind.
Silly, weird and eccentric,
could it be all genetic.
Brunette, redhead, and blonde,
too each, I’m quite fond.
Heroin, acid and coke,
I prefer, just to smoke.
North, East and West,
South I like the best.
Snow, rain and hail,
anything worse, time to bail.
Alone, sad and depressed,
life is nothing but a test.
Hard, easy and the beginners,
us survivors are the winners.
I Write About
I write about money,
I write about fame,
I write cause I’m funny,
I write about my shame.
I write about dreams,
I write about drugs,
I write about screams,
I write about thugs.
I write about you,
I write about me,
I write about poo,
I write about pee.
I write about blood,
I write about satin,
I write about mud,
I write about hating.
I write about rape,
I write about pain,
I write about escape,
I write about strain.
I write about porn,
I write about death,
I write about unborn,
I write about breath.
I write about devil,
I write about god,
I write about mental,
I write about fraud.
I will write about anything,
a girlfriend or a fling.
Murder and molesting,
greed and possessing.
I write about anything I want,
I’m so good, I often flaunt..
Evil
Look inside my evil eyes,
you can see your demise.
Nothing but torture and pain,
clusters clog my evil brain.
Look inside my evil mind,
want to destroy all mankind.
Burn down every city,
I will show no damn pity.
Killing people just for fun,
maybe a knife, maybe a gun.
There is no one more evil,
on your ass, I’m going medieval.
Every human will slowly die,
no people left to cry.
I get more strong with each kill,
Enjoying all the blood, I spill.
Evil is what evil does,
I do this just because.
All animals I eat as food,
walking tall in the nude.
Blood and urine, all I drink,
am I evil, I sure do think.
No more humans left alive,
only I will survive.
Now I live in total darkness,
evil religion made me heartless.
Evil is my middle name,
I was born to play this game.
I Love The Way
I love the way you smile,
haven’t seen it in quite a while.
I love the way you strut,
I treat you like my slut.
I love the way you yell,
you taught me how to spell.
I love the way you sing,
wedding bells, I do hear ring.
I love the way you think,
your farts sure do stink.
I love the way you laugh,
your neck is like a giraffe.
I love the way, you love me,
never have I felt so safe and free.
I love the way you walk,
too much you sometimes talk.
I love the way you push my buttons,
it’s just to bad, that we’re cousins.
I love the way you don’t care,
our family warned us to beware.
I love the way you ride,
you helped me find my lost pride.
I love the way you rock,
my heart you did unlock.
I love the way you said good-bye,
we both knew the reasons why.
Kissing cousins should never last,
must move on and forget the past,
It was just a fifth cousin sensation,
soon it will be sweeping the nation.
Pole Dancer
You’ve got the look,
gonna bait you with my hook.
You’re so damn hot,
I got me a wet spot.
Imagining you naked,
hoping that you’re vacant.
Long blonde wavy hair,
can’t help but to stare.
All men can’t help but glance,
as you start your stripper dance.
Poison is the music that you play,
was gonna leave, but now I’ll stay.
Throwing dollars on the stage,
her petite body is all the rage.
Didn’t take long to get hard.
her beauty kept me on guard.
Got a couch dance in the back,
she cut me no damn slack.
Spending money, like no tomorrow,
in the morning, I’ll feel sorrow.
Bought you coffee and some pie,
then we said our last good-bye.
This night cost me a fortune,
good thing I’m a wealthy surgeon.
She came knocking on my door,
this sexy stripper wants some more.
Had sex all night long,
she loved the size of my dong.
Quit her job and moved in,
then she brings her identical twin.
Every night is sex and laughter,
we all lived happily ever after.
Just The Facts
Baseball is America’s pastime,
football players commit a crime.
Hockey players have names,
you can’t pronounce or understand,
basketball players, seven feet tall they stand.
Nothing beats a cold can of coke,
anything else is just a joke.
Rock and roll, will always be king,
country is just a real long fling.
Wrestling, yes I know it’s fake,
my all time favorite carried a snake.
Thanksgiving is a stupid tradition,
too much family, leaves you needing medication.
Why is American pie, made of apple,
I’d rather have a pumpkin Snapple.
Inside us all is a cancer,
another question, we can’t answer.
I love my country with all my might,
murderers, rapists and molesters,
should be shot on sight.
Nothing better than a pork roll, egg and cheese,
run to Jersey, and just ask please.
Nothing like watching a great movie,
sometimes life can be pretty groovy.
Sex is something, like no other,
just don’t have it with your mother.
Say What
Wake up, wake up now,
when Batman punches, it reads pow.
First you’re born, then you die,
just thinking about it, makes me cry.
Take advantage of every situation,
life is just fact or fiction.
No one knows, what the future will bring,
mud is the best medicine for a bee sting.
Take a shower when you stink,
farts can leave your eyes pink.
Sometimes life can seem rough,
remember someone else has it more rough.
Most friends are just fake,
so be good for goodness sake.
Some follow, some lead,
red is the color, we all bleed.
Don’t ponder on a troubled past,
live now, and have a blast.
Go to sleep, go to sleep now,
first take your farewell bow,
Some give, some receive,
some fail, some achieve.
As the world fades to black,
yakety yak, don’t talk back.
The Maze
Wandering through the endless maze,
been going on for several days.
Dead end here, dead end there,
dead ends everywhere.
Life always a constant struggle,
too many things, having to juggle.
Made a left, instead of a right,
a constant battle, with no end in sight.
All doors and windows shut,
butterflies filling up my gut.
Wandering inside without a key,
locked inside, where no one can see.
Stuck in this endless maze,
thought I finally found my ways.
I used to be so very strong,
how I was so very wrong.
All the corners look the same,
sick of this stupid game.
No way I’m ever breaking free,
so blind, I can’t even see.
Wandering around this endless maze,
leaves my brain in a daze.
Suddenly I see a lighted reflection,
but still I’m in the wrong direction.
I’m forever stuck in this maze,
for once in my life, I can’t amaze.
She Said
Fire burning out of control,
inside my heart, inside my soul.
You captured part of me,
it brings me down, to one knee.
Been dating for some years,
the ring I got, put her in tears.
Sweating, waiting for that yes,
my head she gives a caress.
She said sorry, but answer is no,
I smacked that bitch,
like a rapper to a ho.
How could she turn me down,
and in my own damn home town.
She said, I wasn’t worthy,
now she’s laid out on a gurney.
I flipped out and kicked her ass,
using knuckles made of brass.
This is my worst ever nightmare,
sometimes life just isn’t fair.
As she laid bloody and bruised,
my brain became dazed and confused.
Cops came, took me away,
now I eat on a prison tray.
I can still hear that bitch scream,
merrily, merrily, merrily,
life is but a dream.
Meant To Suck
Sun sets in the west,
full moon slowly rising.
You can hear the distant howls,
so far, I’ve used twenty vowels.
Playing baseball with some friends,
it ain’t over til it’s over.
Hit myself a line drive double,
tried for third, but got in trouble.
Do you care what I say,
if you don’t, then it’s ok.
Time flying so very fast,
hard to remember my troubled past.
Who cares what you think,
this poem is starting to stink.
Not everyone can be a classic,
I was due for a clunker.
Not every dog has its day,
poor dogs, they have no say.
Some may bark, some may bite,
putting then down, isn’t a pretty sight.
This poor poem had no chance,
I just gave it a second glance.
Time to put this out of its misery,
and finally end this poem catastrophe.
Smack
Smack my ass in a car,
smack my ass in a bar.
Smack my ass, here or there,
I don’t believe in any underwear.
I love a good ass smack,
right below the plumbers crack.
If I’m naked or wearing clothes,
smacking my ass is what I propose.
Smack my ass in the bed,
smack my ass after I’m dead.
Smack my ass up or down,
smack my ass in any town.
Smack my ass, cause I said so,
smack my ass before you go.
It doesn’t matter where or how,
smack my ass, please right now.
Smack it good, smack it hard,
give my ass it’s best regard.
You know you want to smack my ass,
just please no more broken glass.
Smack my ass in the shower,
whack it good, with all your power.
Smack my ass in the street,
my ass deserves a good beat.
Smack my ass and never stop,
maybe this boil will someday pop.
Fight Club
Kicking ass and taking names,
laying ground work and staking claims.
One punch and down you go,
all it takes is one fatal blow.
Bloody fists and a broken nose,
wearing spikes and stomping toes.
Bloody lip and two black eyes,
getting kicked between the thighs.
You only lose if you tap,
make me bleed, and watch me snap.
Haven’t lost a single fight,
don’t matter if you’re black or white.
We have over a thousand members,
all takes place in chained chambers.
Do you think you have what it takes,
no time outs, or any breaks.
No Edward Norton or Brad Pitt,
no need for a fighting permit.
This fight club has no rules,
I love kicking in the family jewels.
You fight friends, you fight foes,
that’s just the way it goes.
Come join our exclusive fight club,
just don’t forget your ticket stub.
Weeble Wobble
Got no arms, got no legs,
in my holes, people place pegs.
Got no ears, got no nose,
made special are my clothes.
Got no eyes, got no hair,
only my nipples, come in a pair.
Got no teeth, got no tongue,
I only got one damn lung.
I’m a Weeble Wobble that is flimsy,
I pee a lot with only one kidney.
My belly button, is how I pee,
my life sucks, you must agree.
Got no penis, got no balls,
a Weeble Wobble never falls.
Wear a special diaper for my poop,
all I can eat is tomato soup.
Got a nurse to feed, bathe and wipe,
she also helps me hold my peace pipe.
People think I’m a geek,
a helpless cripple and a freak.
I’m forever wheelchair bound,
Weeble Wobbles are always round.
I ride a bus made for a tart,
hang me on the wall, and call me art.
The Ocean
The ocean, I like to go,
except days, when it might snow.
I like the ocean, colored blue,
jamming out to some Motley Crue.
Girls in a two piece thong,
no way, you can go wrong.
Laying towels in the sand,
lovers holding each others hand.
Boogie boarding on the wave,
these are things, that I crave.
Getting the perfect tan,
girls all drooling over one man.
Swimming in the warm gulf water,
with my awesome son, and my beautiful daughter.
Wet sand can make a castle,
hard to walk, wish I had a camel.
Getting wet, when you’re hot,
a jet ski, I just bought.
Sunglasses on to scope the chicks,
put some weed in the brownie mix.
I love the ocean, for all the above,
don’t get in the path of the water,
or you will get a giant shove.
On Drugs
Stop, drop and roll,
stripper dancing on a pole,
missing the toilet bowl,
having no self-control.
Drinking morning coffee,
inside hotel lobby,
seconds that are sloppy,
that’s my favorite hobby.
Being super drunk,
more than a skunk,
penis has shrunk,
crappy rock is called punk.
Smoking last cigarette,
withdrawal is a threat,
I still prefer a cassette,
will always be in debt.
Eating eggs with some ham,
with my good friend Sam,
will never eat a yam,
but will snort a gram.
This is a big mistake,
putting weed in my cake,
on your head is a snake,
it’s time for a break.
Can’t stop the giggle,
deep throating a pickle,
boy it sure does tickle,
mystery wrapped in a riddle.
Shot heroin in the park,
dozing off in the dark,
my arm has a giant mark,
needle bites like a shark.
Smoked me some killer crack,
teeth rotting and turning black,
I cut myself no slack,
smoked meth and had a heart attack.
Now I’m as dead as a door nail,
my parents, I sure did fail,
can you believe I graduated Yale,
death sure does beats jail.
Ghost
Ghost in the attic,
I can feel a certain static.
Ghost in the hall,
picture frames start to fall.
Ghost in my closet,
looking for a new deposit.
Ghost under my bed,
I hope its been fed.
Ghost in my mind,
not liking what they find.
Faucets begin to drip blood,
eyes tearing, starting to flood.
All doors begin to squeak,
so scared, I can’t even speak.
Mind racing with evil thoughts,
all I can see are red spots.
Ghost inside, made me possessed,
sending a signal that’s distressed.
Phone rings but no one there,
I’m a male version of Linda Blair.
Head spinning round and round,
if only I could just make a sound.
Moved into a house of hell,
my life is fucked, if you couldn’t tell.
I’m living to die,
but dying to live,
whatever I did,
this ghost won’t forgive.
Now I’m a ghost, and the house for sale,
they didn’t even wait for my last coffin nail.
Prison Life
As I ran into your arms,
I heard bells, I heard alarms.
Our love was always strong,
together we could do no wrong.
Finally out of this prison cell,
my jail time was pure hell.
I was violated all sorts of ways,
nothing to do, but count the days.
Guilty of a crime, I didn’t do,
they made me spit, swallow and chew.
My ass will never be the same,
they made me play the prison game.
Now I’m back home, where I belong,
had enough of that prison song.
It sucks being wrongfully accused,
my asshole is forever bruised.
I missed my wife, missed my child,
it’s been awhile since I last smiled.
Never again will I be constipated,
prison life was very complicated.
I have nightmares, every single night,
my poor ass is no longer tight.
Me and my wife, broke up a year later,
I became a woman hater.
I converted back to men,
the priest gave my ass an amen.
Done It All
Been to hell and came back,
shot some heroin, smoked some crack.
Walked on water, parted the Red Sea,
took a shit, took a pee.
Not a thing, I haven’t done,
sometimes lost, sometimes won.
Had sex all sorts of ways,
wrote the Kamasutra, in just two days.
Wrestled Austin, boxed Ali,
I play naked when I volley.
Climbed to the highest mountain,
also drank from the youth fountain.
Ain’t nothing I can’t do,
when a ghost, I’ll yell boo.
The most interesting man in the world,
is nothing but a joke,
I cracked his shell,
then drank his yolk.
I know every word in the dictionary,
my skills are so revolutionary.
You come to me with your pain,
you silly fools have no brain.
I know magic, I know illusions,
I come to my own conclusions.
Been everywhere in this world,
a bit eccentric and a lot disturbed.
When I was born, they broke the mold,
I’ve never once had a cold.
I will die on my own terms,
cremate me, I want no worms.
Love Affair
When love fails,
and lover bails.
Bitch is gone,
just move on.
Plenty of fish in the sea,
doesn’t require a college degree.
Date her sister,
date her friend,
this is what I recommend.
She lied and she cheated,
on your phone, number got deleted.
Let her love your dad and brother,
just sleep with her slutty mother.
Now she stalks your every move,
this is something, you don’t approve.
The restraining order has no affect,
your thoughts, you must now collect.
For some reason, you get back together,
missing all that lace, handcuffs and leather.
Things are now better than ever,
a new chapter, you two enter.
You have made this a family affair,
you let them watch, they love to stare.
A little gross, but oh well,
just another way, to end up in hell.
I Am
I am the one who writes,
on your Facebook wall.
I am the reason,
for Humpty Dumpties great fall.
Most of you probably never even read,
you all dig the hole, I just plant the seed.
Without me, you know you’d all be bored,
I have a trophy case, but never won an award.
Writing is fun, oh how I love to shock,
for you who don’t like,
you can suck my cock.
I can have you laughing,
rolling on the floor,
I can drink your blood,
til I want no more.
I can make you squirm,
I can make you squeal,
if ever found guilty,
I certainly will appeal.
I have no damn money,
not even a lousy dime,
but still I won’t steal,
or commit any crime.
Living my life to the fullest,
dodging all oncoming bullets.
If you don’t like what I write,
I don’t give a shit,
there isn’t a hole,
where my dick wouldn’t fit.
I am the writer, who writes on your wall,
I just snorted an entire eight ball.
I am Santa, you all are my elf,
and if you don’t like it,
just go fuck yourself.
Can’t Take No More
Never been so humiliated,
not once ever appreciated.
For years, been holding my tongue,
my bell has already rung.
Tired of taking peoples crap,
one more thing and I will snap.
No more time for chit chat,
I’m grabbing my baseball bat.
Next one who messes with me,
will have one broken knee.
Held in my anger, way to long,
I don’t care if it’s wrong.
Time to start busting heads,
no stitches or any threads.
Blood will gush from the brain,
ain’t got time to explain.
I won’t stop til you die,
as I watch your family cry.
Remember the time, when a bully,
now you’re hanging from my pulley.
Blood dripping on the floor,
your organs, I will explore.
People are missing, police have no clue,
my basement is a blood bath zoo.
Now that are the bullies are gone,
maybe now, we all can get along.
I’m Pregnant
Do you think you’re fat like me,
looks like I’m pregnant with twins.
Gained forty pounds in two short years,
never thought I’d reach two hundred pounds.
If you don’t give a shit like me,
then don’t even worry about it.
If you care then try a diet,
exercise as often as possible.
I bring to you,
for a one time offer,
the I don’t give a shit diet.
Jam packed with all things bad for you,
sit on your ass all day and do nothing.
That’s my diet secret, no pain, all gain.
I like my big fat tummy,
it assures that my food is yummy.
I find it funny,
when fat people order a steak and three sides,
then they ask for a diet soda,
like that’s gonna do anything.
People who say they love the taste,
must be lying, cause diet soda is nasty.
Oh those days when I was skinny,
dorky face and bushy blonde hair.
Not sure which one of me looked better,
but hot damn, no one makes the girls wetter.
Best Friends
You are my best friend,
be that way, til the end.
My life is so great,
we met when we were eight.
You lived on the same street,
just a matter of time, before we’d meet.
I was the new kid in town,
you helped erase my frown.
We played doctor at age of ten,
I was in love ever since then.
We were voted prom king and queen,
barely legal at age eighteen.
Got married, day after graduation,
our honeymoon was summer vacation.
We went to the same college,
bot having the same knowledge.
I have the greatest wife,
we have the perfect life.
Then it all fell apart,
you tore out my bleeding heart.
Took her life and off she went,
I tried everything to prevent.
There was nothing I could do,
she left me with balls of blue.
Cancer was the reason for her departure,
lots of pain and tons of torture.
Now the kids live with me,
cancer has now set her free.
I begged her to stop smoking,
now my spirit is badly broken.
Took some time, but we got over,
I found myself a new four leaf clover.
Met a stripper from Santa Fe,
we got married without delay.
Our teenage boys both agreed,
they approved of daddy’s dirty little deed.
Now I have a new best friend,
you should see the way she can bend.
Not meant to be offensive to any cancer victims,
I respect you all so very much just the way the story played out.
Good VS Evil
Time is of the essence,
when I’m in your presence.
Bow down and kiss my feet,
they smell fruity and taste sweet.
There is no one more awesome,
enter my mind, but use extreme caution.
You might not like what you see,
but it’s how you really wanna be.
I’m a god, I’m a devil,
no angels are on the level.
I cause wind,
I cause rain,
I cause joy,
I cause pain.
I invented darkness,
I discovered light,
you all need me,
with all of your might.
I keep the world at a balance,
I’m conspicuous by my absence.
I’m a king, who needs no queen,
I like being nice,
but I love being mean.
I’m in your soul,
I’m in your mind,
no people get left behind.
Hot Blonde
The sexual tension turns me on,
like a baby buck, with a new found fawn.
Feel the heat as it burns inside,
not a woman, who gets denied.
She turns heads where ever she goes,
her smile, her blue eyes, and her twinkled nose.
Hair is blonde, skin is white,
I’ve lost control of wrong and right.
Got to have her no matter what,
the butterflies are eating my gut,
Works at a diner, down the block,
I heard she sucks one mean cock.
Diner always packed with horny men,
I wait my turn to see her again.
There she is, right in front of me,
all I could say was, How it be.
She laughed, thought it was funny,
never seen eyes so runny.
We went out after work,
will try not to act like a jerk.
Went to a movie, after dinner,
back at my place, I became a sinner.
We did things, you couldn’t imagine,
for that one night, I was the captain.
Woke up and she was gone,
he note read, We don’t belong.
She died that very next day,
if you think I did it, then no way.
I Hate/I Love
I hate people that are wrong,
I hate people that don’t belong,
I hate smoking from a bong.
I love women that are black,
I love women that are white,
I love women that are tight.
I hate gossip, I hate drama,
I hate using an inverted comma,
I hate Presidents,
that look like a black llama.
I love a cheap tramp,
I love how they wear that special stamp,
I also love lamp.
I hate American Idol,
I hate Glee,
I hate a lot, don’t you agree.
I love money,
I love fame,
I love my picture, in a golden frame.
I hate things that are weak,
I hate people that are too nice,
I hate saying the same thing twice,
I hate saying the same thing twice.
I love wrestling, even though it’s fake,
I love the Phillies, if you wanna talk baseball,
I love that with me, you’re all in awe.
I hate begging,
I hate asking,
I hate my car, when I’m crashing.
I love family,
I love friends,
I love the way this poem ends.
Aliens
No more birds, no more trees,
no more begging on the knees.
No more sun, no more moon,
it all happened on the sixth of June.
Aliens decide to attack,
they ate people like a Big Mac.
All buildings turn to rubble,
aliens hit the daily double.
No more animals, no more people,
not even a cockroach or a beetle.
Only darkness lingers over,
aliens became Earths new owner.
It only took a hundred years,
the sun suddenly reappears.
One man rose from the darkness,
no more did he have blindness.
Killed all aliens one by one,
lucky for him, he found a machine gun.
Now this man stands alone,
his whereabouts are now unknown.
Took a spaceship and is now missing,
looking for a new planet, to go fishing.
When ever there is injustice on a planet,
evil alien killer, is his talent.
This new movie,
comes out the sixth of June,
the first starting time,
will be at high noon.
Depends
Woke up, took my morning piss,
the toilet bowl, I sure did miss.
Pissed on the tile floor,
leaked to the bathroom door.
Pissed on my feet,
some made it to the seat.
Cleaned up and took a shower,
feels like I lost a special power.
Pissed again but on the curtain,
my penis control, I lost for certain.
I guess it’s time to piss sitting down,
then I noticed that my underwear was brown.
It was a massive skid mark,
hard to see when it’s dark.
I guess it’s time for Depends,
my man hood, I will defends.
Maybe this is just a phase,
my underwear, I set a blaze.
I hope this is a temporary problem,
this is making me feel less awesome.
Last night I shit and pissed my bed,
I bought a gun, cause I’d rather be dead.
Best Friends
I’ve lost my best friend,
thought we’d be together,
til the very end.
Been together for five long years,
if only you could see all my tears.
We’d sit on the couch and watch tv,
you even came with,
when I had to pee.
No bad, only good times,
this is worse than any hate crimes.
Thought I saw you by the door,
pushing your buttons, I adore.
Is that you, on the table,
come home, I miss my cable.
Searched the house, and found nothing,
I was hoping, she was just bluffing.
Dug deep into my ugly couch,
with that extra deep hole,
and there it was, among other things,
my long, lost beautiful remote control.
Don’t you dare ever leave me again,
or you’ll be Barbie,
and I’ll be Ken.
Facebook Posts
If you can’t take the heat,
stay out of the kitchen,
sick of your complaining,
and all your silly bitching.
Tired of reading all your rants,
or pictures of your brand new pants.
No reason for all this drama,
save that shit for your mamma.
No more pictures with stupid sayings,
stop counting all your silly blessings.
Don’t care what you had for dinner,
it makes me hungry, hard to stay thinner.
Pokes, I get a bunch,
hundreds, and that’s before lunch.
Family pictures, I love to see,
but I don’t care about your shopping spree.
If you are sick, get well soon,
sometimes even I act like a buffoon.
I read all your Facebook posts,
so does all your family ghosts.
Read some good ones,
read some bad ones,
some suck so bad,
they give me the runs.
I entertain,
but even I sometimes fail,
send me money,
I ended up in Facebook jail.
Marriage
You like to drink,
I like to smoke,
you’d like to think,
that I am big joke.
You like to rock,
I like to roll,
we go for a walk,
but it ends up a stroll.
You like to read,
I like to write,
whenever we talk,
it ends up being a fight.
You like honesty,
I like to lie,
I find it funny,
when you start to cry.
You like to spend,
I like to save,
you love to cut,
when I have to shave.
You like romance,
I like horror,
You’re name is Dora,
and I’d like to explore ya.
You like to eat,
I like to munch,
we love each other,
so damn much.
Twenty years and going strong,
I’m always right,
you’re always wrong.
The sex is great,
and we love to cuddle,
in the bed,
there is always a puddle.
You like me,
I like you,
another woman,
always makes two.
Sometimes I watch,
sometimes I join,
either way,
I have a happy groin.
I Watch
How I like to watch my lover,
there will never be another.
I watch her eat, I watch her sleep,
wondering if she’s counting sheep.
Watching her drive is a bit scary,
I wore my seat belt except for once.
I watch her piss, I watch her shit,
that’s a bit weird, I must admit.
I watch her laugh, I watch her cry,
I wipe the tears from her wet eye.
She thinks I watch to much,
but love can be such a treat.
I love to watch her smile,
each nail she will carefully file.
I watch her as she does her job,
does peeping through her window,
make me a perverted slob.
Knows I’m there, but says no word,
makes me think she kinda likes it.
I watch her read, I watch her write,
I was wrong, she was right.
She’s my angel up above,
even after death, we still love.
I went to hell, for all my watching,
I’ll catch her, when it’s her turn to be dropping.
Tree House
Everyday is all the same,
I hate the player, I hate the game,
I myself is only to blame.
Help me please find my way,
if not tomorrow, how bout today.
Yesterday, might have been too late,
My brain in gone, my mind is blown.
Everything dark, I must be blind,
on the dotted line, I signed.
Each day is a slap to the face,
no one left to help embrace.
A lost soul, I’ve become,
it’s only death that I dream.
I live in a tree house,
somewhere in the woods,
only wishing, I had a car,
boy, did my life get real far.
I scratch and I crawl,
just for a lousy dime.
It’s me you ignore,
as I beg,
if female, I’d show some leg.
All alone searching for a friend,
I lived that way til the very end.
Went to sleep, never woke up,
at least I didn’t suffer with pain.
Didn’t take long for the buzzards,
maggots oozing from my brain.
As the flies circle overhead,
chances are, I must be dead.
Long Road
When I was born, the mold was broken,
people see me and they become frozen.
Sorry for my big ego,
you better let go my Eggo.
Some say I’m a bit conceited,
not very often, I get defeated.
Sometimes it goes the other way too,
you try your foot in my shoe.
Stressed, blessed and always depressed,
no matter what I do, I’m always impressed.
I’m cocky with no confidence,
falling down then getting up,
made me who I am today.
Can’t always get what you want,
just make sure, you have what you need.
I always do what I want,
when it’s good, I like to flaunt.
I’m amazing in the most awesome way,
trying always to have a great day.
My girl keeps me under control,
she’s my heart and my soul.
I’m outrageous and contagious,
I wish I was a bit more courageous.
After a life of pure hell,
I proudly admit,
I’m doing well.
Before The Show
Before the show begins,
I have a poem, by an anonymous poet.
Arguably the greatest poet alive.
” Looking out my window,
I see rain, trees and a fence,
I bet so far your in suspense.
Fence is brown, leaves are green,
I’ll admit it’s a beautiful scene.
Reality is, the world is hell,
witches have put me in a spell.
Just when things are going right,
sunshine becomes the darkest night.
Never have I seen such dark,
like a helpless jogger in the park.
Life is good, life is bad,
I’ve had my share of both.
So much murder, so much rape,
molesters always seem to escape.
Then I think of all the good times,
and how you love all my forced rhymes.
Then I look back outside,
life again seems so simple.
The brown fence never looked so good,
rain all of a sudden doesn’t look that bad.
Life is like a roller coaster,
no more missing persons on a poster.
This world has many winding roads,
life is better when shooting loads. ”
And this concludes the poem of the day,
now the regular show may begin.
Delusional
I do what I want,
I say as I please,
girls see me,
and drop to their knees.
Conceited maybe,
eccentric yes,
depressed always.
I write what I write,
no topic is taboo,
sometimes I even,
hear a Who.
Delusional and paranoid,
people watch me as I walk.
Licking my fingers,
licking my toes,
then I eat,
what I find in my nose.
Conspiracy theories,
and superstitions,
they consume my thoughts.
I count my money,
that I wish I had,
part of the reason,
that I’m always sad.
I have stories,
I have rhymes,
I have people, that I love,
I still bleed the same color blood.
I have pride,
I have passion,
the police are here,
because of my fashion.
Sometimes I rock,
sometimes I roll,
I like to smoke from a bowl,
I’m number one,
according to the latest poll.
Ways To Kill Yourself
Blow out your brains with a gun,
slit your wrist, slit your throat.
Play chicken with a moving train,
jump in front a moving bus.
Go in the ocean, filled with sharks,
while in the tub, throw in a toaster.
Overdose on alcohol, drugs or pills,
leap off a real tall building.
Hang yourself with a strong rope,
choke on a big piece of meat.
Run in the hood, yelling the n word,
jump from a plane, high in the sky.
Drown in a swimming pool,
poison your food or drink.
Cover your head with a pillow,
stab yourself in the heart.
Jump on top of a hand grenade,
walk naked through the jungle.
Warning, do not try these tricks ever,
side effects include a painful death.
Reality, never a reason to kill yourself,
don’t be foolish, dumb or stupid.
Five Personalities
First one is very mean,
runs down people in his car,
shoots anyone walking the streets,
gets drunk and beats his family for fun.
Second one is sometimes depressed,
cries all day, cries all night,
too afraid, can’t leave home,
paranoid to the extreme.
Third one is god like,
not a thing he can’t do,
knows answers to every question,
snaps his finger, girls come running.
Forth one is dumb and stoned,
can’t remember his own name,
smokes all day, smokes all night,
stupid is what stupid does.
Fifth one is a puppy dog,
barks at knocks on the door,
licks his water on all fours,
pisses and poops in the back yard.
No medicine can help his cause,
too unstable to stand trial.
Lives in a mental institution,
wears a strait jacket til he dies.
Just Words
swindle
fraudulence
deceit
scam
those words cheat us
happy
joy
fun
laugh
those words bless us
depression
sadness
hopelessness
suicidal
those words worry us
bewildered
baffled
dumbfounded
perplexed
those words confuse us
awesome
amazing
terrific
outstanding
those words are us
love
lust
sex
passion
those words excite us
jealous
selfish
vindictive
desirous
those words envy us
all these words can describe
everyday feelings we all share.
Finally Happy
People Change,
back stabbing friends.
Dysfunctional family,
black sheep paradise.
Smoke my stuff,
drink my beer.
Watch my movies,
listen to my music.
Lost my mind,
three or four times.
On the right medication,
now back on the track.
Money, wish I had more,
I’m happy where I’m at.
Born in Jersey,
moved to Maryland.
then back to Jersey,
now in sunny Florida.
Met the love of my life,
it only took forty long years.
Have two kids, that I adore,
Amber and Tyler, forever more.
Happy with my current life,
gave the fame and fortune pursuit.
I’m happy to love, and happy to be loved,
fuck everything else.
Master Of Puppets
What if we aren’t even here,
would it change, who we think we are.
Maybe you’re a figment of my imagination,
just a thought in this mans head.
I ponder that question every night,
only I know the real answer.
We’re born, we grow up and we die,
make the best of any situation.
An ice age will destroy all mankind,
or was the dinosaur theory all just myth.
When you die all your answers you shall find,
only I know all the secrets,
I’m not allowed to tell you why.
You all will know in due time.
I’m the master of the puppets,
pulling your strings, is what I do.
I say who lives or dies,
whether you gets rich or poor.
I’m in your head, I’m in your heart,
I’m everywhere, but you can’t see me.
Friends all thought I was insane,
til I ended up in all their dreams.
I see you when you’re sleeping,
I see you when you’re awake,
I even see you when you’re naked.
Some of you should always be clothed,
bigger people need a stronger string.
I’m your angel up above,
I’m your demon down below.
Praying on knees doesn’t work,
I’m just the jerk, who pulls your strings.
End Of An Era
If not for bad luck, I’d have none at all,
would love to rise, but always fall.
I’ve come close a few times,
but all I have are stupid rhymes.
Not sorry for what I used to write,
used to think my future was bright.
Now it’s gloomy and it’s dark,
I have no bite and barely a bark.
Used to think, I’d be famous,
all I am is a big fat anus.
Doing my best, but nothing works,
can’t wait til I’m a corpse.
My caring days are long gone,
nothing more than a silly pawn.
Don’t even feel like writing anymore,
rhyming has become nothing but a bore.
Thank you all for your support,
but my rhyming, I must abort.
Croaky Karaoke
You poke your eyes out,
you put your eyes in,
you poke your eyes out,
and no vision makes you shout,
You do the croaky karaoke,
and twist yourself around,
people next to you become astound.
You pull your ears off,
you put your ears on,
you pull your ears off,
now you can’t hear the applause.
You do the croaky karaoke,
and twist yourself around,
no longer can you hear a sound.
You pull your tongue out,
you put your tongue in,
you pull your tongue out,
the blood starts to pour like a spout.
You do the croaky karaoke,
and twist yourself around,
now it’s tough even for a clown.
You yank your teeth out,
you put your teeth in,
you yank your teeth out,
and that’s what life’s all about.
You do the croaky karaoke,
and twist yourself around,
by now your underwear is browned.
You rip your head off,
you put your head on,
you rip your head off,
people are using your eyes for golf.
You do the croaky karaoke,
and twist yourself around,
now you’re dead, as you fall to the ground.
It was a party at the leper colony,
the croaky karaoke was pure comedy.
Pills
There lived a man in Shady Hills,
sits home all day, popping pills.
Morning, noon and night,
not any real food in sight.
Drinks water from the tap,
too wired to take a nap.
Percocets all damn day,
Vicodin is the only way.
Xanax in the night time,
Valium he buys for a dime.
Oxycontin, he keeps hidden,
his hiding spot is forbidden.
Takes Abilify for his mood swings,
taking Amphetamines gives him wings.
More skinny than a rail,
in life he sure did fail.
Ecstasy, he keeps under lock and key,
he doesn’t give away any pills for free.
At thirty he ended up with cirrhosis of the liver,
he didn’t care about his new founded quiver.
Popped pills til his death,
at least he never smoked meth.
Died at the age of thirty two,
in his stomach was pill stew.
Just another sad lost soul,
popping pills will someday take a toll.
Not Gonna Do It
Tile covered with dirt and sand,
but, I’m not lifting a helping hand.
Dirty dishes in the sink,
I’d rather sit on the couch and drink.
Clothes need to be folded,
by now they must be molded.
Dinner needs to be cooked,
that is something, I overlooked.
House could use a good dusting,
this house is very disgusting.
Kids need to go to school,
I guess I’ll do that, ha ha April Fool.
Grass needs to be cut,
on that chore, I will rebut.
Toilet needs a good cleaning,
yea right, you must be dreaming.
Windows need to be washed,
that plan, I quickly squashed.
Rugs need a good vacuum,
you know better, than to assume.
These are things, I will never do,
I like this house, looking like a zoo.
I’m small, I’m sad.
I’m eccentric, I’m emotional,
I’m pure, I’m promotional.
I’m all that and a bag of chips,
I’m a solar and a lunar eclipse.
I’m white, I’m wise,
I’m Allen, I’m arise.
I’m ugly, I’m unique,
I’m awesome, I’m antique.
I’m an occasional smoker,
I’m a midnight toker.
I’m calm, I’m cool,
I’m creepy, I’m cruel.
I’m sexy, I’m sweet,
I’m nice, I’m neat.
I’m a man on a mission,
I’m a little fact and a little fiction.
I’m amazing, I’m art,
I’m silent, I’m smart.
I’m stoned, I’m drunk,
I’m jealous, I’m junk.
I’m a man with plenty of regret,
I’m a man forever in debt.
I’m hungry, I’m horny,
I’m crazy, I’m corny.
I’m man, I’m monster,
I’m Emmy, I’m Oscar.
I’m all these things up above,
I’m also a man filled with love.
Evil Lurking
Evil lurking in the streets,
evil lurking in the sheets.
Evil lurking in the car,
evil lurking in the bar.
Evil lurking in the church,
evil lurking where you search.
Evil lurking in the brain,
evil lurking in cocaine.
Evil lurking everywhere,
evil lurking, this I swear.
Too afraid to go out,
evil lurking, I have no doubt.
Paranoid to the max,
refuse to pay any tax.
Evil lurking in the jail,
evil lurking in the mail.
Evil lurking in the schools,
evil lurking in the fools.
Evil lurking in the movie theater,
evil lurking in every creature.
Evil lurking at the malls,
evil lurking in the walls.
In my head, I keep searching,
but all I find is evil lurking.
800 Miles
My kids live 800 miles away,
do anything to see them everyday,
if only Santa would let me borrow his sleigh,
it sometimes feels like, I gave them a betray.
How I miss their beautiful smile,
last time I see them, well it’s been awhile,
they seem happy with their life style,
if only I could walk that 800th mile.
Seeing them once year really sucks,
but, I just don’t have the bucks,
my life is in constant flux,
one month a year, I live in deluxe.
Fell behind in child support,
waiting to have my new day in court,
on the stick, I got the part that was short,
this is not a winning sport.
Sure we talk from time to time,
800 miles is a hell of a climb,
for eleven months, I pay for my crime,
Damn , I feel like such a slime.
Catching up on what I owe,
I barely get to watch them grow,
all I eat is tons of crow,
to my kids, I now say hello.
My ten year old is named Amber,
she has style and plenty of glamour,
my eight year old Tyler, knows every answer,
sometimes their faces, I can’t remember.
I know someday, we’ll be together,
I’d be floating just like a feather,
no two kids I more treasure,
until then, I’m just gonna ride out the nasty weather.
Bank Robbery
It was the perfect crime,
it was done in record time.
In a bank with two armed men,
a note on paper, written by a pen.
Put the money in the sack,
we’re not afraid to attack.
All the tellers shit their pants,
do it now, you get no second chance.
In the sack, went all the money,
the tellers legs became brown and runny.
With guns pointed in face,
masked men on a fast pace.
Got the money and off they went,
my room mate and I, needed the rent.
Rhyming Is My Business
Working on a secret mission,
brain in unstable condition,
don’t believe in superstition,
will charge for admission.
Life flashing before my eyes,
tongue tied between her thighs,
maggots soon become flies,
my penis is the perfect size.
I am number one,
writing is just for fun,
never will I own a gun,
life has just begun.
I’m my own best friend,
friends and family, I will defend,
texted you, but forgot to send,
my funeral, I will attend.
Sometimes I need a helping hand,
life never goes as planned,
Facebook is becoming bland,
nothing beats a good hair band.
Heroin is a bad addiction,
why is fact called nonfiction,
dying is not a prediction,
life is just a contradiction.
With me you’re in awe,
it’s just an unwritten law,
never miss Monday Night Raw,
when I don’t write, you go through withdraw.
I am just the very best,
to hell with all the rest,
nothing beats a woman’s chest,
knowing me, you should be blessed.
Poem Man
It’s twelve o’clock on a Friday,
the regular crowd stumbles in,
there’s a gay man sitting next to me,
making love to his friend that is thin.
Son can you write me a classic,
don’t really care if it’s paper or plastic.
It’s hard and it’s heavy and I used to know it,
back in the day when I wore clothes.
Write us a poem, you’re the poem man,
write us a poem tonight,
we’re all in the mood for a classic,
and you’re weed makes us feel just right.
Bill at the bar is an old friend,
he gets me my smokes for free,
he knows all the jokes,
and lights everyone’s smokes,
but there’s another place he’d rather be.
Allen, I believe this is killing me,
as his grin turns into a frown,
he’d rather work for the circus,
if only he could just be a clown.
The waitress is practicing rolling,
as the actors slowly get high,
they share a joint they call happiness,
and it’s better than saying goodbye.
Frank is an upcoming novelist,
never had time for a man,
talking to Barney,
who’s still in the army,
but gives it up whenever he can.
It’s a decent crowd for a Friday,
as the owner gives me a wink,
he knows it’s me,
they’ve been coming to see,
cause smoking is better than a drink.
My pen it writes like a symphony,
and my paper smells like a joint,
they sit at my bar,
and throw buds in my jar,
and say, man just get to the point.
Write us a poem, you’re the poem man,
write us a poem tonight,
we’re all in the mood for a classic,
and you’re weed makes us all feel just right.
Opposites
happy, mad
joy, sad
in, out
silent, shout
sunny, rain
pleasure, pain
big, small
Spring, Fall
rich, broke
serious, joke
win, lose
sober, booze
red, blue
false, true
pencil, pen
Barbie, Ken
up, down
smile, frown
Every word has an opposite,
I deserve a national monument.
walk, run
knife, gun
sneaker, shoe
me, you
poop, piss
hit, miss
night, day
straight, gay
woman, man
bottle, can
No one is better than me,
that’s the way it will always be.
Final Goodbye
No one cares if I live or die,
even friends can’t look me in the eye,
don’t know whether to laugh or cry.
Nobody left to trust,
living in total disgust,
winds are beginning to gust.
No god, no devil, no heaven, no hell,
on that, I never dwell,
all I can say is, oh well.
Not worth even living,
never taking, always giving,
six feet under, I’m digging.
Goals and dreams, I’ll never achieve,
we all practice to deceive,
life makes me want to heave.
I will never have any money,
don’t laugh, it’s not funny,
always dark, never sunny.
Just wishing I was dead,
one bullet to the head,
my whole life, I’ve been mislead.
I’m just living on borrowed time,
up hill, I’ll always climb,
feeling like a piece of slime.
As I await my final breath,
all I do is beg for death,
all I wanted was some respect.
I will now say my last goodbye,
I don’t need to explain why,
I gave living my best try.
Death Of A Whore
Blood gushing from the nose,
already chopped off your toes.
You treat me bad, I treat you worse,
your body, I will disperse.
Eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth,
now it’s time for the truth.
You lie and you cheat,
death will make my life complete.
You’re a bitch and a slut,
I’m psycho and a nut.
You stabbed me in the leg,
then I cracked you like an egg.
I tore out your beating heart,
that was only just the start.
As you lie on the bloody floor,
it was death to a stupid whore.
You tried your very best,
but no longer am I depressed.
Your blood I drank like juice,
no longer could I take abuse.
You’re somebody who won’t be missed,
your life is now permanently dismissed.
This was a death of a whore,
my killing spree is up to four.
Cheat on me and you’ll be next,
and you too will be my ex.
Old MacAllen
Old MacAllen has a house,
abcde
and in this house he had a wife,
abcde
with a nag, nag here,
and a nag, nag there,
here a nag, there a nag
everywhere a nag, nag,
Old MacAllen has a house
abcde.
Old MacAllen has a house
fghij
and in this house he had a son,
fghij
with a whine, whine here,
and a whine, whine there,
here a whine, there a whine
everywhere a whine, whine,
Old MacAllen has a house
fghij.
Old MacAllen has a house,
klmno
and in his house he had a daughter,
klmno
with complaint, complaint here,
and a complaint, complaint there,
here a complaint, there a complaint
everywhere a complaint, complaint,
Old MacAllen has a house
klmno.
Old MacAllen has a house,
pqrst
and in his house he had some pets,
pqrst
with a bark, bark here,
and a meow, meow there,
here a bark, there a bark
everywhere a meow, meow,
Old MacAllen has a house
pqrst.
Old MacAllen has a house,
uvwxyz
this house he has,
made to much sound,
now there all buried,
deep down in the ground,
uvwxyz.
Rhymes
And the rhyme says,
all the long haired rhyming people, must go,
so I put on a short wig,
and went in to ask why.
I’m a fine young rhymer,
please let me show.
Took off my wig,
and asked him to give me a try.
Rhymes, rhymes, everywhere rhymes,
filling up the pages,
blowing all your minds.
And the rhyme says,
anyone caught not rhyming,
will be shot on sight,
I jumped the fence and gave a yell,
hey, I know how to rhyme right.
Non rhymers won’t let mother nature in,
they say not to rhyme is considered a sin.
Rhymes, rhymes, everywhere rhymes,
filling up the pages,
blowing all your minds.
Hey man mister, can you read,
my rhymes are all that you’ll ever need.
Must have a paper and pen to rhyme,
watch me write as I enter my prime.
I don’t need a membership card,
my rhymes will keep you on guard.
And the rhyme says,
everyone down here is welcome to stay,
but when Lucifer passed the plate,
I had no money to pay.
So I got my own pen and paper,
and made up my own little rhyme,
So I decided to sell my soul,
the Devil will make me feel fine.
Rhymes, rhymes, everywhere rhymes,
filling up the pages,
blowing all your minds.
Sorry for you, but I’m out of time,
do this, do that, can’t you read the rhyme.
Two Words
Wolves howl
cats meow
people prowl.
Cigarette smoke
Facebook poke
me broke.
Blonde hair
blank stare
better beware.
Phone rings,
bee stings
needless things.
Darkened rooms
evil looms
life zooms.
Authors write
feeling light
future bright.
Forget past
never last
happens fast.
Bloods red,
damaged head
you’re dead.
Spring
It’s a beautiful Spring day,
soaking feet in the bay.
Flowers blooming as I speak,
the stems are no longer weak.
Slight breeze from the west,
not a reason, to even be dressed.
All the leaves turning green,
it sure is quite the scene.
Birds chirping so quietly,
Winter ended so violently.
Baseball season about to begin,
every team had a chance to win.
Ah, the smell of freshly mowed grass,
making lemonade, pour me a glass.
Feel the love that’s in the air,
Spring and Summer make quite the pair.
Everyday the temperature is rising,
the sun so beautifully shining.
Children playing in the streets,
no need for any heavy sheets,
Windows open, feel the breeze,
the pollen makes me wanna sneeze.
Go outside and pull some weeds,
how I love planting garden seeds.
Feel the air as it begins to warm,
viewing life as it will transform.
Nothing like the perfect Spring day,
sitting on the back porch, with nothing to say.
Hairy Woman
Begging and pleading,
and wanting more,
her body is all I adore.
Hair down to her knees,
me asking pretty please.
Kissing her head to toe,
her hair will always grow.
Her body, I love to massage,
it deserves an entourage.
Lips so red and juicy,
me just a local groupie.
Eyes are a perfect blue,
I’m sticky, just like glue.
Running my fingers, through hair,
takes over an hour,
how the hell, does she even shower.
More hair than cousin It,
I wipe your ass when you shit.
Don’t shave legs or arm pits,
hair even grows from her tits.
Need a weed whacker for that bush,
it’s me around, you like to push.
How I love her hairy ass,
you hold the title for passing gas.
Dandruff, you have plenty of,
but yet, I’m still in love.
Prettiest face you’ll ever see,
in her hair is plenty of old pee.
Big Foot is alive and white,
she’s so big, she blocks the light.
It’s all good, I don’t care,
she’s so hot, this I swear.
When I go out, she must stay home,
must brush her hair, can’t use a comb.
When she leaves the house, people laugh,
her neck is the size of a giant giraffe.
The sex drives me so wild,
she’s a left over 60’s flower child.
Not even sure if she is human,
how I love my hairy woman.
You and I
I have love, you have hate,
I love ice, you have skate.
I have pen, you have paper,
I have Keystone, you have Kaper.
I have base, you have ball,
I have Peter and Mary, you have Paul.
I have air, you have plane,
I have snow, you have rain.
I have car, you have keys,
may I borrow them please.
You have picture, I have frame,
you have guilt, I have shame.
You have Donkey, I have Kong,
you have weed, I have bong.
You have Garfunkel, I have Simon,
you have words, I have rhyming.
You have tv, I have remote,
You have Billy, I have goat.
You have me, I have you,
our love is tried and true.
We have everything, we have need,
we have flower, we have seed.
We have continuity, we have chemistry,
we have fate, we have destiny.
We have sex, we have cuddles,
we have bed, we have puddles.
We have money, we have none,
we have laughter, we have fun.
We have air, we have condition,
together we have a mission,
I have cigarette, you have lighter,
I have future, you have brighter.
I have ceiling, you have fan,
I have floor, you have plan.
I have gun, you have hole,
always hated that fucking mole.
Not
Shadows lurk in the night,
not a flash, not a light.
Walking alone in the dark,
not a sound, not a hark.
It starts to get a bit creepy,
not a nap, not a sleepy.
Nightmare like no other,
not a father, not a mother.
Walking down a darkened hall,
not a floor, not a wall.
Floating into thin air,
not a look, not a stare.
Falling deep inside a hole,
not a heart, not a soul.
Wake up wet as you jump,
not a creature, not a bump.
Falling nightmares really suck,
not a fire, not a truck.
Bed soaked from the sweat,
not a dream, not a wet.
Thankful that you’re alive,
not a swan, not a dive.
This concludes this broadcast,
not a future, not a past.
LE/DC
There’s a lady we all know,
her tits, she loves to show.
She’s buying the highway to heaven,
she only has a money account of seven.
Living hard, living tough,
loves sex that is rough.
Ain’t nowhere she’d rather be,
she’s living to be set free.
There’s a note on the wall,
it’s for her name to call.
In a bush by the swamp,
that’s where she loves to romp.
She has no rhyme or reasons,
cause you know words have four meanings.
She’s now on the stairway to hell,
she didn’t fall, she fell.
No red lights, no school zone,
just a giant hole surrounded by stone.
A weird feeling she gets,
when she looks to the south,
no longer can she use her juicy mouth.
Ooh, it makes her wonder,
ooh, it makes her really ponder.
Nothing will slow her down,
her panties have turned brown.
The devil’s calling her to join him,
she starts singing her favorite hymn.
She could’t afford the highway to heaven,
she barely had enough for a Slurpie from 7-11.
And as she zooms down the stairway road,
slow motion she wishes was her mode.
She’s on the stairway to hell,
her soul she had to sell.
She’s on the stairway to hell,
no stopping at that famous California hotel.
On Schedule
Went through the tunnel, to find the light,
wore sunglasses, future was so bright.
Things sure are going my way,
on schedule with no delay.
Everyone gave me a smile,
that only happens, once in awhile.
Nothing today is gonna go wrong,
on the radio is my favorite song.
Around me the world will revolve,
not a problem, I can’t solve.
I know the answer to your question,
just using the power of suggestion.
I sure feel like a winner,
even had my favorite dinner.
Squeezing by every road block,
on schedule according to my clock.
Knowing soon I’ll crash and burn,
up ahead will be a wrong turn.
That’s when ecstasy becomes reality,
part of my unusual mentality.
Can only be so high, for so long,
I just have to play along.
Feeling like a gutter ball bowler,
on schedule is my bi-polar.
Setting in is a dark depression,
these episodes happen in succession.
Afraid to leave the house,
feeling lower that a baby mouse.
Then again I see that shinning light,
on schedule is again becomes bright.
Hate/Love
Hate Pepsi, love Coke
hate crack, love to toke
Hate country, love rock
hate boring, love to shock
Hate to poop, love the tit
hate stupid, love wit
Hate football, love wrestling
hate knowing, love guessing
Hate violence, love sex
hate calling, love to text
Hate snow, love rain
hate blood, love pain
Hate cleaning, love cooking
hate darkness, love looking
Hate running, love driving
hate death, love surviving
Hate bitches, love ladies
hate the nineties, love the eighties
Hate past, love now
hate to deny, love to allow
Hate the Exorcist, love Freddy
hate shaking, love steady
So many thing I hate,
like always having to wait.
So many things I love,
my life, I’m proud of.
Hate you, love me
hate to argue, love to agree
Hate alone, love company
hate happy, love grumpy
Hate standing, love to sit
hate swallowing, love to spit
Hate alcohol, love weed
hate failure, love to succeed
Hate to read, love to write
hate being nice, love to spite
Hate to stay, love to go,
hate above, love below
I think you get my point,
now go smoke a big fat joint.
Gave Up
I gave up trying to care,
no one ever answered my prayer.
People always ask for advice,
then do the complete opposite,
it makes me so sick, I wanna vomit.
Always getting stabbed in the back,
all the bullshit is starting to stack.
People say they are your friend,
most of them just play pretend.
Drinking and drugs dull the pain,
but I only have myself to blame.
Every time I think I’ve turned the corner,
they put up another god damn border.
Nothing I do is ever good enough,
people are always calling my bluff.
Even when I try my best,
every blue moon, I pass the test.
Freedom is just a big fat joke,
so what if I’m fucking broke.
House is always a mess,
I could care less.
Stuck in total darkness,
my body is just a rotting carcass.
Don’t care about you,
don’t care about me,
just kill me, so I can finally feel free.
I live in a reckless abandon,
is there such a thing as a companion.
Life sucks then you die,
I bet nobody will even cry.
There is no god to pray to,
girls just leave my balls blue.
I shoot heroin, I smoke meth,
soon I will wish for death.
My question has no answer,
I smoke just so I can get cancer.
I’m begging on both my knees,
for someone to take my life please.
Will probably live til I’m a hundred,
chained to this worlds unholy dungeon.
St. Valentines Day Massacre
This is a story that you may decline,
I’m not talking about Chicago 1929.
This happened a short time ago,
no cupid, no arrow or a bow.
Five years ago to the day,
a man was stalking his ex prey.
Every girl that ever dumped him,
he was lonely and getting no trim.
There was four girls in all,
each one got a strange call.
Kidnapped them one by one,
tied them up, couldn’t run.
Drew a circle around their heart,
looked like a mathematical pie chart.
From his pocket, grabbed his scalpel,
then lit up his first candle.
Proceeded to cut out the circle,
blood poured out on the table.
Heart pumping, as he started to yank,
enough blood to fill up a bank.
One by one each heart got crushed,
you should have seen, as the blood gushed.
Rest of the bodies, burned into ash,
on the news, he made a big splash.
February fourteenth, 2009,
his house is now a murder shrine.
Valentines Day
It’s a day to show extra love,
flowers, candy, teddy bear or a golden glove.
Love should be extra, every day,
Cupid deserves some extra pay.
Flowers die, candy gets eaten,
it’s not a good day to get caught cheating.
Give a card with a little poem,
if rich maybe a trip to Rome.
A romantic night with crazy sex,
maybe a wife, girlfriend or even an ex.
It sucks when you’re all alone,
everything ringing except your phone.
Maybe a diner and a drink,
everything including the kitchen sink.
We all know about the history,
Valentines Day is no mystery.
I know I love my better half,
she loves the way I make her laugh.
Best woman, I’ve ever seen,
we often play student and dean.
I’d give anything to stay with her,
life before was such a blur.
It doesn’t take me a non day off holiday,
to take my girl on some romantic hide-away.
Valentines day should be spent twenty four seven,
whether you’re on the highway to hell, or the stairway to heaven.
Inner Thoughts
When people lie,
I ask myself why,
don’t make people cry,
tell the truth, don’t be shy.
Everybody wants to be a hero,
always have the biggest ego,
why steal, when you can borrow,
nobody wants to be a zero.
Sometimes dreams,
seem out of reach,
listen to me, I can teach,
your dreams, never breach,
not a lecture, just a speech.
Don’t you dare, give up hope,
please never shoot up dope,
or hang yourself with a rope,
let me be your personal pope.
In a world filled with violence,
we all need some special guidance,
most guns require no license,
the critics have now been silenced.
Most of us, never get 15 minutes of fame,
the world may never know your name,
friends and family is a great claim,
live your life, like the tenth frame.
Love is all you need,
red we will always bleed,
between the lines,
you must read,
no reason for any greed.
This is my conclusion,
life is filled with total confusion,
maybe we’re all just an illusion,
all I ask is for is a little seclusion.
Am I Real
I’m north, south, east and west,
people think that I’m the best.
They say I am everywhere,
but am I even really there.
I created heaven and earth,
too Jesus I gave birth.
Some pray to me every night,
I’m what you see in the dead light.
People who don’t believe are Atheist,
don’t condone a boy and a priest.
Sex causes people to say my name,
I cherish holding that claim.
Some people say my name in vain,
that makes my robe start to stain.
I kill people when it’s their time,
sometimes even in their prime.
Some fear me, some worship me,
I’m sorry about the show Glee.
Whether you believe or not,
I hide in your blind spot.
Some people believe in more than one,
but really there are none.
If the real truth be told,
If I was alive, I’d be pretty damn old.
I am just a character of fiction,
so people just quit your addiction.
Science is the real system,
all I just offered was some infinite wisdom.
I Can
Here I am the man you want,
jiving, rhyming with an occasional taunt.
No one does it better,
I can even knit a sweater.
I can rock, I can roll,
I can strut, I can stroll.
I can win any event,
not a thing, I can’t invent.
I can cure any disease,
I can shoot the breeze.
No one can walk in my shoes,
being me, I have nothing to lose.
I can be the most interesting man in the world,
I can make straight hair become curled.
I’m all that and a bag of chips,
you should see how I do back flips.
I can be rich, I can be poor,
I can install your front or back door.
Jack of trades, mastered them all,
I can be short, I can be tall.
My shit will never stink,
get too close, eye will turn pink.
I can rule, I can dominate,
for President, I can nominate.
I can laugh, I can cry,
but I never seem to know why.
I can do whatever I wanna do,
unfortunately, I choose not to.
Pain, agony, darkness defeat,
lying, cheating, stealing deceit.
Nothing seems like before,
blood a constant pour.
Alone in my bed,
just wishing for dead.
Shh, I hear something,
someone must be coming.
Footsteps on the tile,
echos in the aisle.
Not a word spoken,
my legs are broken.
Only now I write,
tough without any light.
Someone please read this,
mom, dad, bro sis.
All alone in house,
where is Mighty Mouse.
Sounds getting so close,
me naked, no clothes.
Can’t reach my bat,
no dog, no cat.
It’s next to me,
wishing I could see.
I beg, please help,
a very unsuccessful attempt.
I Can
Here I am the man you want,
jiving, rhyming with an occasional taunt.
No one does it better,
I can even knit a sweater.
I can rock, I can roll,
I can strut, I can stroll.
I can win any event,
not a thing, I can’t invent.
I can cure any disease,
I can shoot the breeze.
No one can walk in my shoes,
being me, I have nothing to lose.
I can be the most interesting man in the world,
I can make straight hair become curled.
I’m all that and a bag of chips,
you should see how I do back flips.
I can be rich, I can be poor,
I can install your front or back door.
Jack of trades, mastered them all,
I can be short, I can be tall.
My shit will never stink,
get too close, eye will turn pink.
I can rule, I can dominate,
for President, I can nominate.
I can laugh, I can cry,
but I never seem to know why.
I can do whatever I wanna do,
unfortunately, I choose not to.
I’m a wacky writing ranger,
living the life of a stranger.
Got my pen and my paper,
I write what I want,
doesn’t matter size of font,
my warped mind will find a new caper.
Writing rhymes since I was forty,
no woman ever called me shorty.
Money, what the hell is that,
it’s everyone else’s wallets getting fat.
My mouth is dry, fingers are numb,
even with a talent, I’m still a lazy bum.
I git big holes in my wall,
inside the house, I play too much ball.
I have eggs with my breakfast toast,
Jeffrey Ross, where is my comedy roast.
A life filled with agony,
writing keeps my sanity.
From New Jersey to Florida,
living with my woman named Laura.
Hundreds of hearts earn my name,
can’t even count the one night stands,
listening to all my favorite 80’s hair bands,
all the groupies are just the same.
I’ve worked and had a paying job,
Bob spelled backwards is still Bob.
Left Jersey so far behind,
for that Florida weather grind.
Writing is in my blood to stay,
I don’t care about the lack of pay.
I’m a wacky writing ranger,
I live the life of a complete stranger.
Read this rhyme and follow it til the end,
Then maybe after you decide to die,
look down at all the people who will cry,
then maybe Edgar Allan Poe will be your friend.
Thimble
Darkness rises from beneath,
small, ugly and has no teeth.
Crawls out from the slime,
gets more creepy each time.
Only happens once a year,
one long day makes a career.
Wanders out and wonders why,
one day is one day to shy.
Determined to make a day two,
this isn’t Horton hearing a Who.
This is one mean creature,
you student, it teacher.
Only the size of a thimble,
has no name just a symbol.
Dug a hole through the pond,
it’s like a miniature James Bond.
Rules the pond like no other,
looking for his missing mother.
Interviewing anything swimming,
dodging every single skimmer.
As the puddle starts to sink,
not an inch or a drop to drink.
A whirlpool circles in center,
into the whole that it enter.
Back down into its hole,
one day a year, it will patrol.
Brain Warp
Heart is a pounding,
shadows are surrounding.
Clock is a ticking,
my nose I’m picking.
Trying to keep control,
smoking a big fat bowl.
Smoking the moments when,
the darkness comes again.
Let’s do the brain warp today,
it’s really the only way.
Pass to the left, pass to the right,
don’t forget to bring a light.
Knees feeling kinda weak,
people think you’re a freak.
A pelvic thrust causes pain,
you start to go slowly insane.
Let’s do the brain warp today,
if need be, I will have to pay.
It’s so dreamy,
fantasy equals creamy.
Starting to sweep the nation,
so high, I need a translation.
Do what you want, mind will flip,
soon you’ll see time start to slip.
You’re spaced on medication,
it’s the greatest sensation.
Let’s do the brain warp today,
whether you’re straight or gay.
Well, I was walking down the road,
stepped on some jumpy toad.
Then some strange guy,
gave me the most evil eye.
He was driving in his truck,
I say to myself, what the fuck.
I was getting paranoid,
he must be on a steroid.
Let’s do the brain warp today,
nothing else left to say.
Love At First Sight
It was love at first sight,
darkness has become light.
Eyes glanced across the room,
my heart started to go boom.
Walked over and bought her a drink,
neither one of us could even blink.
We talked til the bar closed,
our feeling were evenly exposed.
We dated a week or two,
the we made love,
the whole night through.
The friction between us caused sparks,
we did it in cars, we did it in parks.
One magical night on the beach,
we were stuck together like a leech.
She moved in shortly after,
so much love, so much laughter.
Got on my knee and proposed,
she said yes, as I supposed.
After a year we got hitched,
her touch always makes me twitch.
We decided to start a family,
always exploring each others anatomy.
Finally our first child was born,
handed out cigars and tooted my horn.
We live a wonderful life,
I have the greatest wife.
Interview With Lucifer
Name is Lucifer, come right in,
you count blessings, I count sin.
It says here, you’ve been a bad man,
an active member of the ku klux klan.
The number of women you raped is one hundred six,
you help little kids play naked pick up sticks.
You put small animals into blenders,
the class you’re in, has only a few members.
You’ve done every drug in the book,
you’re a two timing, back stabbing crook.
Killed your mom, killed your dad,
says here, that it made it you glad.
Killed your sister, killed your brother,
then had sex with your dead mother.
You’re more mean than Mr. Grinch,
you’re even making me kinda flinch.
You make serial killers, look like angels,
for fun you shoot yourself with staples.
The people you killed is in the hundreds,
you keep the bodies in your two dungeons.
You eat flesh and drink their flood,
you deserve a movie up in Hollywood.
Raped a nun and left your semen,
you’re over qualified to be a demon.
You once burned an entire town,
you’ve been a bad, bad man Mr. Brown.
Not even the devil, will be your friend,
you will burn here in hell til the very end.
Agony Of Defeat
Somewhere in the night,
lurking is a future fright,
it will soon be a scary sight.
A little boy in his bed,
bleeding from his little head,
parents find him, already dead.
911 the parents called,
their lives were forever stalled,
they watched his body, as he got hauled.
Mom passed out on the floor,
dad speechless, said no more,
tears followed them out the door.
He had a rare brain disease,
never again will their minds be at ease,
in life there are no guarantees.
Thousands of people came to mourn,
only three years ago, he was born.
they now live in total scorn.
Haven’t been to work in weeks,
they lay in bed, no one speaks,
still blood on the child’s sheets.
Family and friends tried to support,
but they all fell way to short,
they rather go to the final night court.
They took a suicide pact,
even signed a written contract,
somewhere in the world, this could be fact.
Her
Her eyes so tranquil,
having her I’m thankful.
Her skin so soft,
Her Apple me Microsoft.
Her smile so big,
never do I need a wig.
Her fingers magic touch,
automatic no need to clutch.
Her naked tongue drops,
we use plenty of props.
He juice squirts plenty,
so tired and empty.
Her kisses wanting more,
how I love my little whore.
Her price very low,
she really can blow.
Her body is unmatched,
too late I’m attached.
Her is never leaving,
never meant to be deceiving.
Her cuffed to my bed,
staying til we’re dead.
Her prostitution days over,
more powerful than Super Grover.
Her body I abuse,
never would I bruise.
Her pussy so tight,
never puts up a fight.
Her screams go unheard,
vision becoming blurred.
Her begs to be free,
but I lost the key.
Her tears made me cry,
asked myself why.
Her promises not to tell,
so I said what the hell.
Her off she went,
kidnapping wasn’t my intent.
Her knocking at door,
begging for some more.
Her became my wife,
we now have a great life.
This Tale
This tale is about torture and pain,
thunder, lightning, wind and heavy rain.
This tale is about fortune and fame,
not enough of us get that claim.
This tale is about purple mountains majesty,
it doesn’t even matter your nationality.
This tale is about murder and rape,
two things I hope we all can escape.
This tale is about chains and whips,
a pretty smile and red juicy lips.
This tale is about magic and illusions,
conspiracy theories aren’t just delusions.
This tale is about me and you,
hoping our friendship is never through.
This tale is about Jack and Jill,
I guess it was one slippery hill.
This tale is about movies and music,
sometimes loud and sometimes acoustic.
This tale is about love and peace,
salute military, firemen and some police.
This tale is about grades and school,
no more bullying on the non cool.
This tale has everything you need,
oh did I mention money and greed.
This tale is over and finished,
hope my reputation didn’t get diminished.
Naked
Found naked on the streets,
cuffs on my hands and feet.
They wouldn’t give me any clothes,
couldn’t even pick my own damn nose.
Walked naked to the police station,
two miles of total frustration.
One hour of pure hell,
I’m hot, sticky and I really smell.
People laughing from their front yard,
I looked like an unstable retard.
Balls bouncing left to right,
my big balls should be held every night.
Penis flopping up and down,
not even sure the name of the town.
They don’t even give me reason,
maybe it’s naked man in street season.
Police station filled with reporters,
my penis has never been shorter.
Hundreds of flashes before my eyes,
I see my mom, nervous as she cries.
I was arrested for nude street sleeping,
millions of people are now peeping.
I got booked and thrown in the slammer,
somebody please, hit my head with a hammer.
They actually even threw away the key,
how dare they do this to someone like me.
Don’t they know who I am,
this must be some kind of sham.
I’m only the most famous man in America,
not some cheap imitation replica.
I hope no one gives me an Allen screw,
then I won’t know what to do.
No phone call or allowed any bail,
looks like I’m stuck in this psycho jail.
After a week I was finally let go,
I was the star of some sick reality show.
Thinking Aloud
Every night my mind would wander,
all the time and money, I let squander.
Should I live should I die,
should I laugh should I cry.
Always stuck in a rut,
tired of fucking the local slut.
I’ve been up, I’ve been down,
showed a smile showed a frown.
Sometimes rich sometimes poor,
both always make me want more.
Been cut up and been stitched,
been picked up and been ditched.
Done good and bad things,
sometimes even pulled some strings.
Asked questions, listened to answers,
sang with singers, danced with dancers.
But still, I sit and stare,
maybe I’m just filled with hot air.
Always thinking about life and death,
where will I be, when taking my last breath.
No more wasting away the years,
time to face all my fears.
Did we really evolve from apes,
believing in God is just sour grapes.
Where do we go after we’re dead,
will I ever again get any head.
Will we arrive on some distant planet,
I’ll be Jack looking at girl Janet.
Time For A Change
Time is now to rise against,
why be kept in suspense.
Time for a revolution,
legalize weed and prostitution.
Cut the deficit right in half,
don’t it make you want to laugh.
While we’re here, let’s have some fun,
the law fought us, but this time we won.
Fuck the government and their laws,
it’s filled with so many flaws.
Killers and rapists, all must die,
molesters with no penis, will surely cry.
But I digress,
country in such a mess.
No one seems to care,
I hate wearing underwear.
People just cramp my style,
every day is like a trial.
Believe in only yourself,
no trophies on my shelf.
The government, we must overthrow,
get ready, get set and lets go.
You all would just chicken out,
this is something, I have no doubt.
Get yourself a pair of balls,
let’s climb the White House walls.
On second thought, it will never happen,
I’m just a stupid fool named Allen.
It was just the thought that counts,
just a suggestion, I wanted to announce.
Me Being Me
Time is a wasting,
things I’ve been misplacing,
but still, I’m amazing.
Just playing possum,
love being gruesome,
but still, I’m awesome.
A bit ridiculous,
remaining anonymous,
but still, I’m fabulous.
At times very dramatic,
never enthusiastic,
but still, I’m fantastic.
Never ever cheerful,
down right dreadful,
but still, I’m wonderful.
Got no talent,
way to arrogant,
but still, I’m excellent.
Somewhat distant,
always very different,
but still, I’m brilliant.
Sometimes depressive,
a bit too excessive,
but still, I’m impressive.
No six pack abdominal,
mouth very washable,
but still, I’m phenomenal.
Always horrific,
never specific,
but still, I’m terrific.
Sometimes heartless,
live in total darkness,
but still, I’m marvelous.
I think you all get the point,
so go roll a big fat joint,
because like always, I never disappoint.
Death Of A Poet
Something happening to my brain,
feeling numb, feeling pain.
Blood dripping from nose and eyes,
feels like a blood baptize.
Coughing blood through the mouth,
maybe I’m on that highway going south.
Falling to the ground,
head spinning round.
Blood pouring out my ears,
it’s time to face my fears.
Immortality has escaped my soul,
i can picture my six foot hole.
in and out a state of consciousness,
I was just another victim that’s anonymous.
Nothing can save me now,
no encore, no final bow.
I’m too young to die,
blood is all I ever cry.
No tunnel, no light,
my body isn’t taking flight.
Just laying in the dark,
above my head is a question mark.
Not the way I wanted to go,
so painful, so damn slow.
Wanted to die in my sleep,
counting some innocent sheep.
I guess it was just my turn,
my body, I want to burn.
Ashes spread across the land,
while millions of people salute and stand.
Remembering the good old times,
a brain tumor was my ultimate demise.
It happened so very fast,
all I can see is my darkened past.
Pervert
I’m a womanizer and a pervert,
love to mingle, love to flirt.
Like Fonzi, all chicks flock,
they like the size of my clock.
Ever since I was born,
loved naked women and porn.
Nothing like playing with my favorite toy,
with the newest edition of Playboy.
Sorry I have a dirty little mind,
all men do, women don’t be blind.
Lots of women have tried to convert me,
but a fun loving pervert, I will always be.
Been with a slut, been with a whore,
only difference is, the slut wants more.
Been with singers, actresses and models,
done it underwater, with a snorkel and goggles.
Been with a doctor, lawyer and a crook,
each time, I somehow got took.
I’m a pervert it a good way,
just some innocent sexual foreplay.
If you ever see me, I’m not threat,
they haven’t invented x-ray glasses yet.
I now have a woman I really love,
all other women, I got rid of,
Gave my black book to a kid named Bieber,
now he’s in jail and feeling very eager.
Bad Day
Woke up alone, with tears in eye,
this answer, I hope to find the why,
one night stand, never said good-by.
Lost my ten year job,
boss was as a rich snob.
Caught my girl with the neighbor,
super huge line at The Department of Labor.
Ran out of gas, had to push my car,
worst dinner ever at my local bar.
News filled with corruption and murder,
me filled with high powered bi-polar.
Doing shots with reckless abandon,
all this plus living in Camden.
A true New Jersey shit hole,
drugs everywhere except birth control.
My best friend died last week,
there goes our hanging out winning streak.
Tomorrow will be a year since my parents death,
everyday I still have to catch my breath.
Left the bar with as female,
bigger than any sized whale.
She sat on my face, and I said holy fat,
don’t remember much after that.
Sneaked out of the hotel, before me,
having a bad day, wouldn’t you agree,
went home, and lost the house key.
Cut myself breaking a window,
felt like a hooked helpless minnow.
Can’t blame this on the rain,
or the disease in my brain.
This was a long time coming,
my nervous breakdown was forthcoming.
I think now, I know the why,
life sucks and I’d rather die.
I’m so much better than that,
Getting rid of my welcome mat.
Played country backwards, to get my life back,
nothing but torture and an occasional hack.
Well now i know the reasons why,
I’m just a regular fall guy.
Superhero
I have a pipe and dark sunglasses,
taking names and kicking some asses.
I’m a powerless superhero,
they call me Captain De Niro.
Owe me money, you better pay,
or pain will be on your way.
You better not be selling drugs,
or my lead pipe will give severe hugs.
Don’t be raping any innocent women,
will be breaking your hands and fingers, all ten.
Molesting kids and you don’t wanna know,
the dumpster, your penis I will throw.
I don’t allow any peeping or stalking,
with broken legs, there will be no walking.
I’m one of those modern day vigilantes,
on my head, I wear my wife’s panties.
Can’t leap a building in a single bound,
like you, I get dizzy when spun around.
Can’t go under water and summon fish,
I prefer them on my eating dish.
No fancy car or a sidekick,
but my pipe can break a brick.
Don’t have an invisible jet,
like you, I’m in deep debt.
People have no idea who I am,
I might be Steve, I might be Sam.
Just a man who hates violence,
I hate people that are spineless.
I catch bank robbers in the act,
the odds against them are fully stacked.
I help keep crime off the streets,
can’t count the number of villain defeats.
Left For Dead
Ants crawling up my leg,
blood is what they beg.
Jack Frost nipping at me nose,
this is something I oppose.
Cat has got my tongue,
cigarette smoke fills my lung.
Woodpecker pounding my forehead,
all these animals need to be fed.
Alligators rip off my hands and feet,
my poor body is now incomplete.
Maggots oozing from my brain,
nothing stops them, even rain.
Vultures and buzzards,
tearing apart my carcass,
all these animals are in focus.
Bugs flying all around,
never seen something so profound.
Nothing is left, just bare bone,
how I died is still unknown,
in a swamp left all alone.
My skeleton hangs from a tree,
somebody had to do this to me.
Two weeks later I was discovered,
if they only knew,
how much I have suffered.
Never did identify my body,
I even head lined Hard Copy.
No heaven and no hell,
just darkness and time to dwell.
Storm
Darkened room, darkened sky,
no one asks or wonders why.
It’s the calm before the storm,
temperature, getting a bit warmer.
Board up windows,
bolt up the door,
but still wanting more.
Storm clouds getting closer,
hands shaking like a composer.
Starts with wind and rain,
not easy to explain.
Thunder than lightning,
this all seems so exciting.
Running outside to check it out,
the end of the longest drought.
Funnels forming everywhere,
but you don’t seem to care,
Not a clear sky in sight,
it’s day, but it looks like night.
Back inside for some shelter,
family huddled all together.
All the dogs begin to bark,
living in the trailer park.
Storm passed by with no damage,
living in Kansas is such a challenge.
All the people in the trailer park,
get scared when day becomes dark.
